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  • Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners

    Will having another baby help me deal with losing the first one?

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    Bereavement Children's Health Mental Health
    We lost Amy to SIDS at 3 weeks, she was our first born and this happend 18 months ago and i am still struggling to come to terms with our loss. Will having another child help me deal with our loss? I dont want to bring another child into the world with so much grief and saddness which currently surrounds us.
    • 2 answers
    • Sands Australia
    • Dr Carla Rogers
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  • Sands Australia

    SANDS (Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Support) is a self-help support group comprised of parents who have experienced the death of a baby through miscarriage, stillbirth, … View Profile

    Many parents find comfort from the thought of having another baby and want to try again soon after their loss. But another baby may not to take away the pain and loss you are feeling now.
    Parents who have conceived soon after their baby died are more likely to have greater difficulty coping with pregnancy. Grief which has not been expressed or worked through before the next pregnancy, may return after the birth of the next baby. In some cases this has had an effect on the parent’s relationship with the next baby.
     
    Give yourself time to grieve for the baby who died. This should allow you more emotional reserves to more confidently manage the next pregnancy with its emotional challenges and to enable you to develop a healthy relationship with your new baby.

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  • Dr Carla Rogers

    Psychologist

    Are you ready to make some changes? I don't have a magic wand, I can't fix all your problems, and when we work together you're … View Profile

    Firstly, let me say that I am so very sorry that you lost your beautiful little girl.

    The previous response really hit the nail on the head though - grief will not automatically be forgotten or dealt with because you fall pregnant and have another baby.  If you've had some grief counselling - and I really hope that you have, and encourage you to if you have not - then you will probably know that grief moves through various stages of anger, sadness/depression, bargaining, denial…. and acceptance. How long people take to move through those stages varies for everyone ….. and it does take time. 

    It's a time to be gentle on yourself…. it's normal and perfectly natural to feel sad or angry that you lost your baby - people's lives go on around you and sometimes I can imagine that you wonder how they can just act as if nothing happened when for you and your partner, life probably felt like it stood still for awhile.  This will change….over time.  Be gentle to yourselves and each other.  And know that when you feel ready to have another baby…. that you are never replacing Amy and that she will be a very special person that you were blessed to have in your life - albeit for such a brief moment in time.

    I do encourage you to get some counselling along the way ….. pregnancy may stir up some further issues for you and having an outside support for you and your partner will be helpful.  Please contact me if there's anything you'd like to discuss or if I can suggest a counsellor in your area.
    Warm wishes
    Carla

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