I have the same issue with my sister. There is really nothing you can try for it is her problem and you cannot change her. I have a theory that such people are in our lives to show us that it is not necessary to be a victim.It is a cliche, however, it is true that you can only control your reaction to her. My sister calls me several times a day to complain about everyone and everything. At first, I took the calls whenever for she is divorced with grown kids. Now I limit them. She wanted to go on my family vacations and I did that once or twice and it was a disaster. No I just say no. I set limits and boundaries and try to be as honest and kind as possible. Your sister and my sister my have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from a nasty marriage or a difficult divorce or a traumatic childhood. My sister is in denial about her weight (squeezes into clothes way too small) and her own behavior. If you notice, everything is someone else's fault and she is the victim. She expects to be treated awfully and she often is. So relax and learn and be kind. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY for having a better life. Be direct, honest and set boundaries. Preface things with phrases like “I am not intentionally trying to hurt your feelings,,,”,,,,, however ….. . If you are spiritual in any way, pray. There is lots of research on that so if you can't call it prayer than call it intention setting. Be clear with your goals and your needs and do not take on her as a child. You will not change her so set the example, and say “I love you to her often” and say “what good happened today” or “what can you be grateful for”. That, in my experience, is all you can do. Keep strong and have faith. Therapists may not see the whole picture or see what the truth is. Also, write down conversations with her and run them by a counselor who is competent. Think of her as down a deep well and she only sees dark. Help her see the light.
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