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  • Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners

    Is it possible break a life-long social isolation?

    Female, 38, single mum of 6yo, no friends, family overseas. I feel very isolated and don't believe I can break the isolation. Mostly I am unable to initiate or maintain conversation. It's easier with strangers, but gets increasingly more difficult with people I know. I feel empty with nothing to share, have no positive feelings in the presence of people I know and have no spontaneous reactions to what they say. Attempts to pretend emotions usually results in no positive outcomes, so I am progressively giving up. Rarely, when someone persists and accepts my pretended reactions the barriers go away for a while. At workplace I am almost always left out. I've tried interest groups but as the time goes on I always become increasingly more isolated and find it embarrassing and painful. I was bullied in childhood, had a pathological family and no friends. I don't think I fit social anxiety. I may have depression coming from isolation but I keep active. Is there a reliable way out, please?
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    I have been working in Eltham, Melbourne as a relationship and family counsellor for over twelve years. I draw on current theory and research about … View Profile

    in addition to the excellent advice given by Diane and Nigel, it may be important to understand that isolating yourself from bullies was a very good idea at the time! Because you learned to do that, no doubt you kept yourself safer than if you had persisted in trying to stay socially connected in situations where people may continue to hurt you. The problem is, what was once a very good coping strategy is now keeping you disconnected and lonely. Working on the  therapies that Diane has outlined will help you move forward in ways that will need to replace old ways of keeping yourself safe (isolating yourself) with new ways of being self-protective in social situations (e.g. assertiveness skills training). Once you are confident you can handle tricky situations and protect yourself from difficult people, even bullies, you will find it easier to relax and be yourself with people who are safe to do that with.
    All the best!

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