I was bullied all through high school. I was a clever, fat, girl, with no self esteem, so fell victim very quickly to a gang of boys. I got through school without the ability to form friends, but I did get good grades all through those six years - I was scared that if I did not keep up my high academic performence it would give the bullies another stick to beat me with. Despite getting a very high TER score, I left school at the end of sixth form because I could not bear the idea of going on to tertiary education and enduring more years being bullied. Consequently I became a bookkeeper, rather than an accountant. I likely could have been promoted through the ranks due to my academic skills, but I did not have the ability to relate to people, so would not have been able to be a supervisor.
Since I left school, I have formed no female friendships, and have rarely been part of a social group, unless it was work related. I rarely had a boyfriend, and of the three that I did have, i did not love any of them, they were just social acquaintances I used to make me acceptable to society. I finally met the man of my dreams and, yes, fell in love when I was 35, but, due to the negative voices in my head, did not grab the chance to marry him, and to have his baby at 37. Consequently, now, I am 54, childless, and likely to remain so.
Do I blame those boys for teaching me that I was too unattractive to be able to get and keep a man? Yes. Was it their fault that I, now, have no self esteem, and can not form relationships? Yes. Of course, my parents were two people who should never have had children, and certainly not together, but the bullying cemented the negative start my parents gave me.
Report this post
You must be a HealthShare member to report this post.
to your account or
now (it's free).