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  • Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners

    Could I have done something to prevent my stillborn child?

    Related Topics
    Bereavement Mental Health Pregnancy & Breastfeeding
    Could I have done something to prevent my stillborn child, I cant help blaming myself that if I had rested and not been working and running around that maybe it would not have happened?
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  • Ralph Graham

    Counsellor

    Ralph Graham, Counsellor, Psychotherapist, helping those who are affected by:grief, loss, anxiety, phobias, panic attack.And those who have been traumatised by:crime, assault, sexual abuse and … View Profile

    The thing with your situation is that if you thought there was a problem you would have attended to it at the time.  Could you have any more control over this heart breaking event than over a car that has just crashed in the street?

    But coming to terms with this will take time. If you decide you didn't do anything wrong or could not have known, you will do that when you are ready. If you feel you need to forgive yourself then you will do that to your own time table. Linking up with a group of people who have also been through this might be a help getting through this time.

    Seeing a good practitioner may help you to see things clearly and lead to some healing. I hope you do that.  And I hope you draw some comfort from life around you and hopes for the future. You deserve it.

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  • Cathie Hutchinson

    Counsellor, Social Worker

    I am an accredited mental health social worker and Medicare provider and am committed to ongoing continuing professional development. After teaching for many years and … View Profile

    I am sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what it must be like for you. It is very easy to beat ourselves up over the past as we look for answers. It is common to wonder about what we could have done differently. I think it is useful to take ourselves back to the times that we now retrospectively challenge and ask ourselves if in that same situation with the knowledge we had then, would we have made the same decisions. I believe the answers would be ‘yes’ . Any past decisions are generally made, in the belief it was the best decision at the time.

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  • Vivienne Colegrove

    Counsellor

    I have been working in Eltham, Melbourne as a relationship and family counsellor for over twelve years. I draw on current theory and research about … View Profile

    As others have suggested, it's a natural part of grieving to question what you may have done differently to prevent losing your child. When terrible things happen we feel powerless - thinking about what we may have done differently can come from a need to feel we may have some sense of control over events in order to prevent further terrible things from happening. Letting go of this idea can be hard - once we accept that there is nothing we could have done this may connect us more to the painful feelings underneath. Be gentle with yourself about this process and make sure you get the support you need to get through it. Counselling can provide an emotionally safe space to connect to and process difficult feelings.

    All the best and take great care.

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