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Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners
What options are there if meds and therapy haven't worked?
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I've had universally bad experiences on meds (including ending up in a psych ward) and don't want to go back down that path. I've tried counselling, psychiatry and CBT and found none of them helpful (talking about these things doesn't change things or help me at all). I exercise and eat well, and I still can barely keep things together. My current situation isn't sustainable, and I feel that the path I'm on ends with me dangling on a rope, which I'd prefer not to do, but I honestly don't see an alternative at this point.
Replies involving “you just haven't found the right therapist!” or “you need to believe in it for it to work!” are of no interest to me: the question is, if meds and therapy are off the table, is there anything left or should I just speed toward the inevitable? -
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Michelle Lam
Counsellor, Psychotherapist
I accompany clients as they explore how to access their inner strength and obtain a greater sense of self so that they are able to … View Profile
It sounds like you have done everything you can to get some relief from whatever it it you are experiencing. I imagine your future seems quite terrifying and bleak at the moment.
It is difficult to answer your questions without knowing what medication you have been using, why you were prescibed it in the first place and what exactly you would like to change about your current situation.
If you could provide me with a little more detail about yourself then perhaps I could offer you some hope and supportReport this post
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Tried Zoloft, Prozac and Effexor. Have been given a script for Mirtazapine, but I'm not going to bother with it. Tried talking cure, counselling, CBT: none have helped in the slightest.
And I think they haven't helped because I've slowly realised they can't help: the reality is that my career's a joke, my relationships have failed, and I'm now facing down middle age alone and with my best years firmly behind me. There isn't a way forward that's worth bothering with.
The current situation can't really be changed: I've painted myself into a corner and the sort of life I can have from here doesn't interest me in the slightest. The things I hoped to achieve - family, marriage, professional success - I've missed my chance for, and the life I've created for myself through my failures is inadequateI don't like who I've become, I don't care for what I can do, and any changes I can make to my life will be cosmetic.
Starting again would only be an option if I thought there was something worth doing, which I don't; and if I thought I wouldn't screw it up, which I do.
The thing I can change about my current situation is that I'm around to be in it, And there's only one solution to that which I can think of.
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Michelle Lam
Counsellor, Psychotherapist
I accompany clients as they explore how to access their inner strength and obtain a greater sense of self so that they are able to … View Profile
Hi TC
I'm so sorry to hear that life hasnt turned out the way you had hoped and that all the things you have tried to change your situation have failed you so far. It sounds really painful to be faced with the current reality of loneliness and lost opportunities.
You are absolutely right in that your current situation cant be changed as it is a result of a combination of choices that you have made and experiences that were beyond your control that have occurred in your past. What you can change is how you “view” them - rather than view your past experiences as proof that you as a person have failed, are inadequate or useless and unlovable, I wonder what would happen if they were regarded as mistakes (which all humans make) and oppoprtunities to learn how to do something different.
I know you are tired of hearing the usual platitudes from people and it seems like you have run out of choices to get any sort of relief from the current struggles you are having, but reaching out via this website says to me that there is still a part of you that has some hope or believes that your life in the future could be different. And they can be. It starts with being kind and gentle to yourself and if that seems too difficult right now, then reach out to someone who can be give you the kindness, compassion, love and support that I know you are longing for.Report this post
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Thank you, but I am viewing them as mistakes. Specifically, mistakes that can't be fixed leaving me with options that I don't want to have. Learning from them would only be valuable if I thought there were opportunities to try again, and I don't think there is. Having someone pat me on the head and say that everyone makes mistakes changes nothing - and dragging other people down with me would be nothing short of cruel.
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Michelle Lam
Counsellor, Psychotherapist
I accompany clients as they explore how to access their inner strength and obtain a greater sense of self so that they are able to … View Profile
Life for you sounds really futile and hopeless at the moment.
When I was in a similar situation many years ago I felt exhausted, angry, alone and in a world of pain. All I wanted to do was hideaway because being in this world hurt too much.
Knowing that other people had had similar experiences and reaching out to them for support and understanding made me feel less crazy and less alone and helped me be less critical of myself, my situation and others. Rather than drag each other down, we gave each other hope and strength.
I then did all I could to get some psychoeducation about depression, relationships, what I did to get what I dont want (eg self sabotaging behaviours) and how to re-build my sense of self.
It was a difficult, uncomfortable and often painful journey and, for me, it was well worth it. While this journey may not appeal to you, I hope that you do not give up on finding the “way” that is best for you
Good LuckReport this post
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Thank you. I think I'm beyond all that now though. The thought of going through an exhausting, long and painful process - especially one that would involve potentially hurting other people on the way - in order to be in the exact same situation I'm in sounds like a nightmare.
I perhaps haven't made my position as clear as I might have: I don't want a future that I can achieve. The only future that I'm at all interested in requires things having been entirely different ten years ago, and there's simply no way to catch up at this point. I'm a disgrace to my family legacy, and a disappointment as a man. I have no interest whatsoever in going forward alone and without a family of my own, and I'm no longer capable of having one. So, as far as I'm concerned, that's it. And all the talking or meds or group hand-holding sessions in the world can't change reality.
I'm sorry, I've had these arguments with shrinks before and they just go around and around. I'll leave you to it. But thanks.Report this post
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I have a very similar depression to yours. The stubborn kind that does not respond to AD's and/or therapy. I recently read a book called “The Mood Cure” by Julia Ross and have found it very helpful. Please do try it, anything is worth a try when you feel so bad.
Best wishesReport this post
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