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Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners
How can I cope/recover from this long history of bereavement related depression?
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I have a long history of family bereavement (both parents and three siblings) and have been struggling with my latest bout of depression. The latest bereavement was 15 months ago and I have been struggling to cope.
I have tried medication in the past - I was on anti-depressants for a 4 years and stopped taking them 8 or so years ago as I felt I had recovered. I've had a few ups and downs over the years but I managed to cope, until the latest sibling death. I am keen to avoiding taking anti-depressants again as I really dislike the side effects.
I have tried counselling but always give up as I feel the counsellors don't “get me”. I'm in my mid 30's, have a lovely young family but this depression is consuming me. I feel angry, sad and lonely, and these feelings are overwhelming me.
I have a healthy diet and exercise regularly (cardio and yoga) but the ‘highs’ of exercising are short lived and then I'm back to depressed state.
Any advice how I can recover again? -
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Kim Hopson
Counselling Psychologist, Psychologist
Kim is a counselling psychologist who has been in private practice for over 20 years, helping adults, adolescents and couples. Kim is interested in helping … View Profile
Hi,
You certainly have experienced a number of losses by this time in your life. It’s not surprising you feel depressed again and have difficulty coping at times as you have to manage a young family, life’s ups and downs and another significant loss. And while it sounds like you’ve been able to cope and recover in the past, perhaps there's nothing left now. You don’t mention how old your siblings were when they passed away or how old you were when you lost your parents. You are probably experiencing a number of strong and conflicting feelings at times and as you mention, can be overwhelmed. And while you have a lovely young family which can be healing in some way, this will take its toll on everyone.
With these complex issues it really is best to have a combination of medication and therapy. And you’re right; whilst a healthy diet and exercising regularly are beneficial they are not enough. I’m sorry you haven’t been able to find a counsellor who gets you; it is a key to successful treatment. I encourage you to keep looking for a therapist; there will be someone out there who you will feel comfortable with. Unfortunately it can take time to find that person who you feel can tune into you, there isn’t one person for everyone. And this is too much to work through on your own.
There are specialist bereavement centres/ specially trained people who can work with you to put together a treatment plan that you will be comfortable with. Some of the complementary therapies can also be supportive, like acupuncture and therapeutic massage.
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Charlotte Stansfield
Counsellor
Often enough, we do not know our own mind. In the process of dialogue with another person, we are able to clarify what we think … View Profile
Hi,
That is a lot of loss to deal with - feelings of anger, sadness and loneliness would be normal in your situation - and some may say these feelings are part of the experience of loss.
Without knowing more about the type of bereavements you have experienced and the quality of the relationships you had with the people who have died, it is hard to offer you specific recovery advice. Complex grief can occur with multiple loss or traumatic sudden loss, and we are all individuals so what works for one person might not work for another. Nevertheless you have dealt with losses before, and so in lots of ways, you are your own best guide to recovery this time around and you probably will know very quickly what is going to help and what isn't. Better than a lot of professionals writing on this website, i guarentee !
I'm not sure how long you have tried counselling for before you stopped, sensing that the counsellor didn't get you - its unfortunate that this happened as I agree with the post above that a good relationship with a counsellor, one in which you feel heard, supported and ‘got’ is essential for a healing relationship. It sometimes doesn't happen on the first couple of times with a new counsellor but it is worth pursuing.
ACT or Acceptence and Commitment therapy is an approach that might help you so you could consider asking local therapists and counsellors if they are familiar with this model. I say this because you have mentioned using exercise as a way of perhaps suppressing the pain you feel inside, and while this can be effective - as you have said - it is temporary - so another approach might be to work with an ACT or mindfulness trained counsellor on learning to manage and live with these painful feelings in different ways.
Grief counselling also involves a range of exercises that can help you mourn and pay tribute to those you have lost or the relationships you have lost, and/or explore any conflicting or painful issues that this loss has created.
Best of luck for your journey.Report this post
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HealthShare Member
Many thanks to you all for taking the time to respond with your suggestions.
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Ash Rehn
Counsellor, Psychotherapist, Sex Therapist, Social Worker
Mental Health Medicare Provider of focussed psychological strategies, Counsellor & Therapist specialising in ‘sex addiction’, pornography issues, gay counselling, online therapy. For more information: www.ForwardTherapy.com View Profile
Meeting with a counsellor who “gets” you is important. I'd say the relationship you have with the counsellor is the most significant factor of counselling or therapy. Unfortunately there is a kind of ‘promise’ associated with counselling that by submitting to a particular technique or method, we will be cured of psychologicial troubles. I think that is a false promise. But it is a promise that is believed by many, even counsellors themselves.
At the same time, I still believe that new possibilities can evolve through purposeful conversations. We make meaning from the stories of our lives. So in telling and sharing our stories with someone who can be fully present and responsive in dialogue with us, we can start to construct new meaning out of familiar events. Death and loss, unfortunately, are part of life's experiences. They leave, in their wake, feelings and thoughts that demand our attention. For some people, medication helps make this more possible, for others it just makes it possible to cope until they have a chance to find meaning in what seems to defy understanding.
I suggest you keep looking for connection with others be they counsellors, those close to you or just others who have also had to make meaning out of loss. Keep looking for those who “get” you.
In the meantime, I'd recommend you take a look at a Youtube video of Andrew Soloman talking on “Depression the Secret We Share”. You will find it if you Google it. Don't give up hope, there are others out there who have experienced similar.Report this post
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