You have made a huge step by getting help and that must be congratulated! Sometimes we can't get any sense of what, how and why we feel the way you do. The important thing is that you are seeking help from the correct sources. Although it's going to take a lot of strength and effort to make and keep your appointments - just make sure you do - let the GP, Mental Health Team, Phyciatrist and Phycologist figure out what to do - you just need to get yourself there - if you have someone you trust that can take you along to appointments - even better. I speak from personal experience. Back in July last year I had no fight left in me left to live, I felt that everywhere I turned, I didn't belong and that I was wasting my time being alive - this was a very dark time for me - however, the best thing i ever did was to finally seek the help from the right sources - but before I did that - i got so low that I searched, how to commit suicide successfully, on the internet - Up came lots of things - but one caught my eye - it was that no matter how I feel right now - I am worthy to live and that help is there - I can't remember all the words - but that link saved my life - I wish I could thank the person who blogged it - So I want to say to you John - YOU ARE WORTHY OF LIFE and LIFE IS WORTHY OF YOU - YOU ARE IMPORTANT - YOU DO MATTER - WE REALLY DO CARE ABOUT YOU - Getting the meds to help and finding the right ones for you is worth the time - although I did feel like giving up at some points - what really matters is that you work with the help and that the help work with you - I highly recommend the Mental Health Access team - they have follow up phone calls and home visits if needed - they are there all the time for you - you just have to promise to pick up the phone - Once your Phyciatrist gets your meds right (you will sleep better) you will continue to see a Phsycologist and GP - which I highly recommend. They work together WITH YOU to find the therapy that's right for you. I have been seeing my physcologist for 7 months and I feel that I am CONNECTED TO LIFE AGAIN.
You're not a cop out! Let others think what they think - one day they'll understand - and if not - that doesn't matter - what matters is you John - you deserve to love yourself - you deserve compassion - you deserve help - you matter
There's so much more I could say …..
hang in there John
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