A.R.E. you ready? This acronym works every time.
A = Assess the situation,
R = Respond with care and empathy,
E = Encourage seeking support
YOU READY = have emergency numbers at hand and in large print as vision may become impaired during stress. Perhaps enter them into your speed dial or put the number 1 in front of them so they are on the top of your mobile phonebook, e.g. 1. Ambulance 012. Include Ambulance, Emergency 24 hour GP clinic, police emergency, Crisis Assessment Team, and close friends who can come to your immediate aid if needed.
Assess applies to assessing yourself and your husband. I, too, am in agreement with the previous counsellors and doctors. The first step is keep your self safe as you are a primary support, and if you burn out too, then who does the caring? Care for yourself. Google ARAFMI in your state for carer support, debrief with your therapist/counsellor, get help and take time out.
Primarily, husband needs professional medical assessment. Depression is a method of coping by suppressing hurt emotional feelings, but there may also be medical reasons for the depression too. Inadequate diet, food allergies, type II diabetes, poor oxygen conversion and so forth can all contribute to deepening depression.
As well as a medical intervention/assessment both he, and you, will benefit from regular support and consultation with a counsellor who is trained, registered and expert at working through depression and grief. Seek out such counsellors and ask, “Have you been affective in helping people through depression and grief?”
Really there is only one issue in counselling, and that is a disconnection from love. The loss of a child would do that very well, my heart goes out to you both, and this loss will be compounded by his awareness of your loss too He may be afraid to raise this, or talk about it, in concern for triggering your grief and causing you pain. The irony is that connection to your hears will heal this, but it hurts when you do.
There is only one cure for loss of connection with love, and that is replace, replenish and sure up the love you both share. This will see you both through a very difficult time. Sounds like you have an abundance of that and if you keep sending it to him it will rub off in time.
Learn more about the cycle of emotional suppression: to receive my complimentary e-book gift, “Self Healing for Better Relationships” go to my website http://counselinghobart.com/gift/
Remember to check everything out with a Doctor first of all, and if possible, remove any methods of self harm or suicide that he may be considering. Keep safe.
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