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  • Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners

    How can I help my sister with her depression?

    My 25 year old sister lives with our parents and has had depression (diagnosed) for a few years. Our mother is a nurse, and is trying her hardest to help her, but it seems like they're fighting a losing battle. My sister is constantly either on a new drug and happy about it or going through withdrawals in order to start a new drug and crying in a dark room having suicidal thoughts. I must admit that I struggle to understand depression as I'm a positive person who is able to change my perspective on things when I'm down, and can't wrap my head around the fact that that is something that my sister can't do. I call/write to her all the time (we live in different states) I send her pictures of my 4mth old daughter, whom she loves, in the hopes that it might help her see the bigger picture. We tell her we love her and need her in our lives but I'm afraid that one day it will all be too much for her and that she will do something to end it all. I don't know what else I can do?
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    My research interests include immunology and the mechanisms of amyloid formation. The latter has implications for people who are dealing with Alzheimer's Disease, Parkinson's Disease … View Profile

    That sounds really hard and I think that you are doing a great job in supporting your sister.

    Some thoughts (I am in remission from depression, none are clinical advice):

    (1) Often anti-depressants take a while (up to a couple of months) to kick in fully. Also, matching the "right" anti-depressant to the "right" person is often a matter of trial and error.

    (2) For some people (I am an example) a combination of anti-depressants and non-pharmacological therapy is more effective than either is on its own. Non-pharmacological therapy includes approaches like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, and learning mindfulness/meditation methods. A clinical psychologist who has experience of using those approaches when working with his/her clients could help your sister - this is an option that you could suggest to her.

    (3) This one is really important. If ever you think that your sister's thoughts about suicide include working out the details of a suicide method/plan then all that matters is that she is in a safe place. That means contact your parents urgently and ask them to take your sister to A&E of the closest hospital - there will be health professionals there who can help her.

    All the best.

  • Renee Mill

    Clinical Psychologist, Psychologist

    Empowering people is my passion and life work. I have been working as a Clinical Psychologist in private practice for over thirty years. I have … View Profile

    When a family member suffers from depression, it affects the whole family. When suicidal ideation is a factor, the pressure on everybody can be enormous. Therefore, supporting your mother is equally important as supporting your sister because she is carrying a heavy load.

    You cannot help your sister with her depression per se. She needs to consult with mental health professionals such as a psychiatrist and a clinical psychologist.

    What she needs from you is to understand what depression is, and what she is going through.  I am often told by my patients that they feel criticised  when family members tell them to

    • "Cheer up, other people have it worse" or
    • "Do you know how you are hurting your mother?" or
    • "This is all in your head. It is time to move on".
    •  

    When you understand how awful depressive symptoms are, how desperate your sister feels and how she cannot simply snap out of it, she will feel supported. 

    You could also keep abreast of the latest developments, and share them with her, ensuring that she is receiving the best treatment possible. 

     

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