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  • Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners

    Is verbal abuse forgivable in a relationship?

    Related Topics
    Physical, Emotional & Sexual Abuse Relationships
    Hello, I distrust my bf a lot and lately he changed form the sweet guy to the angry guy.

    When we have arguments he shouts at me and calls me disgusting and words like shut up and f.. you.

    Is it forgivable? I try to work on my trust but he cant cope with it any more and blames me for losing his temper.

    Is it forgivable at all? I never called him a bad name.
    • 2 answers
    • Vivienne Colegrove
    • Cathie Hutchinson
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  • Vivienne Colegrove

    Counsellor

    I have been working in Eltham, Melbourne as a relationship and family counsellor for over twelve years. I draw on current theory and research about … View Profile

    It sounds like you are struggling to make sense of what is not working well for you and your partner. That while you know that verbal abuse is not OK, you have an understanding of why your partner is speaking to you in this way (that he is frustrated that you are unable to trust him).
    Couples counselling may help you both on a number of fronts. Firstly - to help you learn healthy and safe ways of communicating about issues (this may include for your boyfriend learning ways to better manage his anger), secondly - to gain a better understanding about what the underlying issues are. You don't mention why you find it hard to trust your boyfriend, and it sounds like you haven't been able yet to have a constructive conversation together about what needs to be different in order to build a sense of security and trust.

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  • Cathie Hutchinson

    Counsellor, Social Worker

    I am an accredited mental health social worker and Medicare provider and am committed to ongoing continuing professional development. After teaching for many years and … View Profile

    You sound like you are feeling confused that your boyfriend has changed from being a sweet guy to someone who is angry and abusive, I am wondering if your distrust is related to his apparent changed behaviour rather than him reacting to your ‘distrust’ . Verbal abuse is not ok and maybe a sign of a less than healthy relationship or other issues your boyfriend is dealing with that is causing him stress. Is he willing to acknowledge that he is being abusive and that it is not ok to treat you like this?. You said that he blames you for losing his temper. This too can be a sign of a less than healthy relationship and could undermine your self esteem and lead to your loss of confidence in yourself. Mensline might be a good starting point://www.mensline.org.au

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