My first thoughts are what your experiences in childhood were, to say the least, extreme abuse that would have been horrendous for a small child without the wisdom of an adult. You only have to look at your own child to see what little knowledge we have as children.
Between the ages of 0-8 yrs of age is the time in our life where we live in what is called a 'theta brainwave', not in our conscious mind where we are able to evaluate what is true or false. What happens to us in that age forms our perceptions and belief systems more than at any other time in our lives. Even as we grow older, the feelings we experienced, can remain at a deeper level. How you were able to handle that is unique to how each of us might have handled those same situations. That is what makes us human and not a robot.
A cell biologist, Bruce Lipton, an expert in cells and genes tells us about 'Epigenetics'. What he explains to us is that for all but about 5 percent of babies that come into the world there are no genetic problems and it is what happens to us in our life that creates changes in our genes. We release hormones with every thought we have, and they either make us feel happy or unhappy. They can also make us feel well or unwell.
It makes me wonder if you have or still have a need to release those feelings and emotions from your earlier life, or whether you have only been medicated to suppress those feelings?
Hypnotherapy, EFT (emotional freedom technique), PsychK, have been documented by Lipton, that shows how well they help in changing our genes. Breathing and Meditation have been shown to be helpful as well.
When we have been traumatised by a happening it can lead to fears, anxiety, anger, that give us the impression that somehow we are to blame - that is not so. Labels are just labels of symptoms - they are not the 'cause' of the symptoms. And if the 'cause' has never been dealt with you still have the symptoms.
I hope that makes you realise and feel that there is no stigma in any of this, it is just how our body works.
The one thing that I am so impressed by what you say is that you are not a drinker, and have never been on any illicit drugs ever. It shows me that despite everything you have been through how strong you are capable of being. It is this strength that will help you to make the changes you are looking for.
Look for the right therapist that is not judgemental who can help you get back on track to health and wellness. Remember that medication is addictive (sometimes more so than alcohol and illicit drugs), so don't try to come off them on your own, that can have a devastating effect and make you feel worse. Find a doctor to assist you when you get well enough to want to come off them.
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