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  • Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners

    Too tired for sex, help?

    Related Topic
    Relationships
    I am so tired, I find it difficult to get excited about sex. Will this change? Is there something I can do to give me the energy. I feel bad always saying no to my husband.
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    Jacqueline Hellyer

    Sex Therapist

    Hello, I’m Jacqueline Hellyer, Sex Therapist and Relationship Coach. I’ve spent thousands of hours working with individuals and couples around sex and relationships. I’ve been … View Profile

    Remember that you have to do things to get in the mood for sex. If you try and have sex late at night after a busy day then you won't be in the mood for sex. You have to ensure that you're not tired, that you take the time to get in the mood, that you work with your husband to get in the mood.

    Sex is not something that you will necessarily ‘feel excited’ about, it's more often something that you are open to doing, and then the two of you spend some delicious time together getting you aroused and interested.

    I've written a lot about this on my blogs and in my books, plus it's one of the most common issues clients see me about, and I run workshops to help with these issues. So I suggest you take a look at my website and maybe book in for a session: www.jacquelinehellyer.com

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    Margie Ulbrick

    Counsellor

    I am a Melbourne Relationship Counsellor and Family Lawyer who is skilful in helping people get out of the pain of relationship distress and create … View Profile

    Being open to explore together is more conducive to enhancing your sex life than to feeling like sex is a chore, just another thing to do. Many people in today's busy stressful world, feel too tired to have sex or feel that it is just another demand. Try a new apporach. Consider your sexual relationship together as one that enhances your intimacy and connection. By sharing affection and being open to developing your connectedness in the relationship througout the day and week rather than just focussing on sex, sex then becomes just another way you deepen your relationship. Nurture yourself and make it a priority so that you do create the time and space. You owe it to yourself! Perhaps you need to consider making some changes to your life so that you have more energy. Going away for a weekend, having sex in the morning rather than the evening, are just a couple of suggestions. All the best. 

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  • Vivienne Colegrove

    Counsellor

    I have been working in Eltham, Melbourne as a relationship and family counsellor for over twelve years. I draw on current theory and research about … View Profile

    Both Margie and Jacqueline make some excellent points. The idea that we have to wait till we feel like having sex is fine when life isn't too demanding or busy, but for those of us trying to juggle our relationship needs with work, parenting etc this can mean that sex starts to feel like just another chore on the list of ‘thngs to do’! 
    It may also be important to think about how you have sex - are you intimate in a way that ‘fills the tank’ - that is, it gives you energy rather than demands energy that you don' t feel you have in reserve? Make sure that you are asking your partner to do things that give you pleasure, and not just doing things that are pleasurable for him. You may enjoy experimenting together with trying things that may bring more intense pleasure for you both.
    When sex is meeting your needs for intimacy and connection, and you are experiencing it as something that gives you more energy, you may find that the motivation to make time for sex increases.

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