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  • Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners

    Why do I keep hitting my child?

    I have 3 year old child, I hit her even for small mistake. I don't know why..please help. She was with grand parents from 4 months to 2.5 years because of our hardship. Now she is with me. Very first day she told me shut up and I was so angry and hit her. From that day I don't feel love to her. But I know she is my kid. I want to be a good mum. Please help me
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  • 1




    With a passion to see people move forward and break free from the barriers holding them back, Grant is a highly experienced counsellor with over … View Profile

    Hi, good on you for recognising you are having some difficulties. People often think they should naturally be great parents but the reality is it is hard work for many people, especially when you are under stress through hardship. I'd suggest a couple of things;

    - try and organise some regular breaks for you and your daughter, perhaps with your parents or in a childcare centre.

    - find out where your nearest Family Relationship Centre is, these are Govt. funded centres run by various agencies to support families. They are there to help you so utilise them. You can find out about them and their locations here 

    - I'd also suggest you see if there is a Tuning Into Kids course running near you. This is a terrific course that will help you and your daughter. The website is here

    - if none of these are available then pop into your local neighbourhood or community centre and see what resources re available to assist you. Another option is to give your local Relationships Australia office a call and have a talk to them, they are a great service as well, see here

    It is good that you are recognising you are struggling, it is even better if you act on that and get some help now before you end up injuring your daughter so follow up these suggestions and book yourself in to talk to someone NOW, don't put it off, do it NOW.

    I wish you well. 

  • Lenzo78

    HealthShare Member

    Why would you bring a little being to this life just to torment her? From 0 to 3 are the most important years of a human life all you are doing is hurting her Physically and psychologically for life. Would you want this for yourself ? You have no rights over this little girl, you don't own her its not a pet, you are responsible of a life! You should be protecting and nurturing your child.You need psychological help and also seek help to see whats best for your daughter. Dont make her suffer because you do she has done nothing to deserve that.. Turn things around and be proud of you and her and do the best you can. Kids only emulate what they see if she talks badly it's most probably because of her surroundings and education she is exposed to. Body punishment should always be the last resort eg: ligth spank on the bum and accompanied with a good explanation so that they understand. Showing that you are a bit disapointed by the child's behaviour works much better.The hope for a better society lies within our kids. 

  • Dianne Zebic

    Counsellor, Psychotherapist

    Dianne Zebic has retired as of 31/01/2015 View Profile

    I feel you hit your child as this is the way how your parents parented you perhaps, and your behaviour has been learnt. Parents feel that this is what they need to do to get their child to fear them so they can gain control using violence such as hitting. Sometimes parents dont know what else to do so they just automatically react in an angry way and hit their kids.

    Stop hitting your child and get yourself some professional help asap, as this is not healthy for you or your child. Under current child protection laws hitting a child can become a legal issue. Hitting a child can cause psychological issues for your child and can lead to anxiety and depression and can teach your child when they get angry that they can hit as well. 

    I am a counsellor, psychotherapist and coach and I am trained in providing clients with the

    - Effective Parenting Strategies ie the tools to teach you how to remain in control without getting angry with your child which leads to hitting

    - Children's Behaviour Modification Programs - I can help you modify your child's behaviour and teach you new skills you can use to motivate your child to change their bad behaviours to good behaviours

    -Teach you what forms of punishment or discipline is using non-violent methods for effective parenting.

    Or alternatively you can seek to find a counsellor or psychologist in your local area that specialises in Family Therapy, Childrens Behaviour Modification Programs and Effective Parenting.

    Good Luck

  • Mr Max von Sabler

    Clinical Psychologist, Psychologist Max is a clinical psychologist working in the public and private health sectors. He currently holds several appointments at Monash Health where he provides … View Profile

    Hi there,

    This is a challanging situation by the sounds of things. I would recommend that you talk to a clinical psychologist about this. You may be distressed or stressed about other things that are coming out in your relationship with your child, and probably others too. You reference hardship so I suspect this is contributing to your reactions - which may be short-tempered at times.

    It's great that you've recognised an issue - seeking the right advice from a psychologist or your GP will be your next best step.

    Max -

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