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  • Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners

    How can I help my sister with who is overweight, depressed and aggressive?

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    Depression Mental Health Weight Management
    Hello HealthShare, Id like to ask how I can help my sister. Her current condition is severely overweight with depression and lately she is being aggressive when you try to tell her anything. She always had some excess weight but it was never a problem and it was controllable id say. She suffers from depression and wont leave the house like ever. She lives for eating, watching tv and sleeping. I tried several times to explain her that all this lifestyle will harm her life after 40s, she got diabetes from the age of 28, i do not know where to head to and who to speak for. Im not trying to be judgemental, just want to save her with all my power. Lately she is being aggressive when the talks come to her problem whenever we are alone, last night we had a big fight and she almost hit me. thats the reason i decided that this insanity has to stop. thanks for your time. So the question remains, what should i do to help her?
    • 2 answers
    • Shelley Murphy
    • Kate McMaugh
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    Shelley Murphy

    Counsellor, Psychotherapist

    I work with Solution Focused Therapies with particular success with clients who have been controlled by their anxiety, phobias, depression, relationship, communication and self worth … View Profile

    It is difficult to watch someone you love going through such a difficult time. It is clear that you want to help your sister but it looks like she is not in a place where she can see it as help.

    You haven't said if your sister is seeing anyone for her depression. If not she needs to go to her Doctor and if she is she still needs to see her Doctor. You can make the suggestion but unfortunately if she doesn't want to go you really can't force her. From what you have said confrontiation is her is making her feel defensive and is leading to explosive outbursts which may become physical. So you are right to decide that a change of approach is needed.

    There are some great resources on line regarding depression

    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/

    http://www.sane.org/

    http://www.mindaustralia.org.au/

    http://depressionet.com.au/

    On these sites there are resources, help lines, counsellors etc available not only to your sister but to people such as yourself who care for and support people with depression. If your sister is not interested at first it would be good for you to make contact.

    That way you can get access to ideas and support. Depression is not contagious but it can impact you as well if you do not have adequate support and self care strategies.

    It is clear that you love your sister, and the methods you have used up to now have not given you the results that you wanted but do not lose hope there is lots of support available to you. I would recommend you access them and you will tap into new ways of working with your sister so she can have the quality of life that she deserves.

    Good luck 

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    Kate McMaugh

    Psychologist

    I'm a registered psychologist who provides general counselling, trauma counselling, parenting support and health-related and lifestyle change counselling in a supportive, empowering environment. I have … View Profile

    As Shelley said it is clear you love your sister and want to help her. This is a great foundation to build on. It seems to me reading your question that your sister is not yet at a stage where she wants help or advice. Sometimes psychologists call that "pre-contemplative", meaning not yet ready to contemplate change.

    The way we help or support  people who are "pre-contemplative" is quite different to the way we support those who are ready for change and seeking information and support to make that change. With this group of people "less is more". Comments and suggestions often push them away, even the most caring comments.

    I feel that the best way you can support your sister at the moment is to accept she is not yet ready for change. However she may still want and need a close relationship with you, one which  is based on where she is at the moment. This can be very hard for you as you literally are watching your sister's health failing. However if you have a close and supportive relationship with her, where she feels loved and accepted for who she is, then you are in a much better position to support her when she is ready for change.

    It is possible to support people to move to another stage (beginning to think about change). The best way to do that is be at your sister's pace and explore with her how she is feeling about her lifestyle and mental health. At this stage the "goal" is not to help your sister make changes, but to help her THINK about making changes. For example if she feels you accept her and are not pushing her to change she may begin to make comments about her weight, eating or sad feelings. You could simply be empathic and ask her what she would like to do next, or what support you can offer.

    I know this all sounds difficult and it might be helpful for you to see a professional for some guidance and suggestions. 

    Kind Regards

    Kate

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