Please verify your email address to receive email notifications.

Enter your email address

We have sent you a verification email. Please check your inbox and spam folder.

Unable to send verification, please refresh and try again later.

  • Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners

    What can I do to overcome anxiety?

    Related Topics
    Anxiety Bereavement
    I've had anxiety since I was 15, when my best friend was killed suddenly in a car accident. Then I went to boarding school and couldn't cope. I only did it for one year as I couldn't handle it. Ever since I've been extremely attached to my home and parents. I met a wonderful person a few years later after I left school and we dated for 3 years n got engaged 4 months ago. We haven't lived together til the last month n my anxiety has returned n I've experienced panic attacks and all sorts of horrible symptoms from anxiety. I'm not sure I can live away from home and my parents :( please help as I feel like giving in
    answer this question

  • Find a professional to answer your question

  • Renee Mill

    Clinical Psychologist, Psychologist

    Empowering people is my passion and life work. I have been working as a Clinical Psychologist in private practice for over thirty years. I have … View Profile

    When your best friend was tragically killed, you were exposed to a trauma. Your primitive brain literally began firing resulting in anxiety which has continued for years. Unless you switch off the primitive brain firing, not only does the anxiety continue but it it becomes more and more entrenched in your brain as a neural circuit. 

    Losing your best friend also provoked fear of loss of loved ones which has manifested now in you needing to keep your parents in eye's view.

    Mindfulness cognitive behavioural therapy will help you with your anxiety and panic. You can learn to switch off the firing and be calmer in  few weeks. You can also learn how to move away from your parents' home without being traumatised.

    Consult with your GP who will give you a mental care plan.  Ask your GP to refer you to a competent psychologist who is experienced in mindfulness based cognitive behavioural therapy. With commitment and diligence, you will be ablle to beat your symptoms over time. 

    Reply to this post
     · 
    Report
  • Anthony Berrick

    Psychologist

    Your reaction to the sudden death of your best friend is completely understandable. What a terrible tragedy for a such a young person to have to try to cope with. 

    Clearly, that was absolutely not the right time to be taken away from the support network of your loved ones that you needed at that point. You must have felt a massive sense of relief when you returned to the security of your own home and the love and support of your parents.

    It sounds like when you returned home, it was like there was a part of you that said "That was so awful, and this feels so much better, I'm never making that mistake again!" and so, as you say, you became extremely attached to the things that made you feel safe - your home and parents.

    Naturally, the thought of once again moving away from the things that brought about a feeling of safety, is creating strong feelings of anxiety for you. I wonder - is there a way that you could acknowledge the history and meaning of these feelings of anxiety, instead of just dismissing them as a horrible annoyance that needs to be overcome before you can live life to the fullest? 

    These feelings originated from a profound loss of a much-loved friend, and now relate to your attachment to other people you love deeply - your parents. So that tells you something about how important the people who you love are to you.

    Now you're starting a new chapter of your life with someone who you love deeply. It sounds to me like this is far too important to you to let these feelings of anxiety hold you back from. And yet it sounds like these feelings are incredibly uncomfortable or distressing for you. 

    As a teenager, when you felt this way, the appropriate answer was to return home and seek comfort from your parents. But as a soon-to-be-married adult, this doesn't sound like a feesible option. If you don't feel like you can cope with how you're feeling on your own at the moment, would you consider getting some outside help from a psychologist?

     

    Reply to this post
     · 
    Report
  • Ralph Graham

    Counsellor

    Ralph Graham, Counsellor, Psychotherapist, helping those who are affected by:grief, loss, anxiety, phobias, panic attack.And those who have been traumatised by:crime, assault, sexual abuse and … View Profile

    The after effects of trauma may lie dormant until restimulated by something along the way. They can be terribly invasive and interfere with our lives, with symptoms coming on or returning sometimes after years. Methods exist to control these effects.  Some methods actually work to indentify the beginning point of the trouble and then resolve it. If this works then the problems can dissipate to nil or even cease in a session. The event that might be blamed for instigating the problem may not be the original or ‘causative’ event at all.
    Not sure where you are and as there are no dates in the Healthshare system I can’t tell when you asked this so it may be already resolved. If not, and you would like to look at this approach, you are welcome to contact me and I will attempt to recommend a practitioner.
    Best wishes,
    Ralph Graham
    Send me a message

    Reply to this post
     · 
    Report
answer this question

You must be a Health Professional to answer this question. Log in or Sign up .

You may also like these related questions

Related Fact Sheets
Related Questions

Empowering Australians to make better health choices