Good on you for recognising how your anger is impacting your relationships with your and kids. Although you haven't hit your wife I'd still consider this domestic violence because when you are angry like that it will be intimidating to your wife and kids. This is a very good time time to act before your relationship breaks down or someone gets really hurt, or worse. I have worked with many men in your situation and I have found groups are the most effective at helping them understand and change their behaviour. In a group you don't feel like you are the ‘only one’, you can also support and help one another and learn from one another.
The other positive aspect of a group is that it puts the focus on you, not on your wife. This might sound tough because she might say and do things that ‘tick you off’ but YOU need to learn to control your thoughts, feelings and actions no matter what she does. Once you are more in control of yourself you can look at your couple issues. Often men play the blame game, “if she didn't ……. I wouldn't get angry” all this does is make things worse and prolongs the pain and frustration for everyone. Find a mens group that deals with domestic violence and work hard at getting in control of you. Don't let fear, pride or shame stop you - man up, bite the bullet and do what needs to be done to get yourself sorted.
It is well worth getting on top of this because it is affecting your children, while they don't understand what is going on they will feel scared - I remember one guy who did a course I ran and he came in one night and told us that his 8 year old came up to him and said he wasn't afraid of him anymore - how good is that?
In Sydney Lifecare Counselling and Relationships Australia run courses other wise Google your area or phone your local Community Health cente and ask them if they know of men's groups dealing with domestic violence. There is a good book by a Kiwi guy that you might be able to get at your library or Google - Feeling Angry, Playing Fair by Ken McMAster, it is well worth a read.
Take action, be honest, work hard and look forward to more positive relationships.
All the best.
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