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  • Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners

    I feel suicidal every day and worthless. How can I stop this?

    I have had numerous suicide attempts each time I get a little closer to succeeding. Last time I took over 100 paracetamol tabs so I would die a long slow painful death, which I think I deserve. I self harm and that usually helps me to refrain from suicide by punishing myself for having negative thoughts. I have been accepted into ‘Spectrum’ next year as I have BPD or at least BPD tendencies. I gave up smoking 2 years ago and everything went from bad to worse from there. I lost my coping ability so started to drink heavily. I went through detox in Feb this year and have not had a drink since. The self harm is almost daily and OD's approx monthly, when I get to the point where i cant cope. I can't go on living like this… I think im going crazy. I take numerous meds, anti depressants, mood stabilisers, naltrexone and campral for the alcohol addiction and still use nicotine lozenges as I start to lose the plot and become dissociated which leads to more problems. Help…
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  • My research interests include immunology and the mechanisms of amyloid formation. The latter has implications for people who are dealing with Alzheimer's Disease, Parkinson's Disease … View Profile

    You might find it helpful to join this on-line community: http://buslist.org/phpBB/index.php

    It exists to provide support for people who self-injure and is a very welcoming place.

    A number of its members have other issues as well (ODs, suicide attempts, etc).

    (I am one of its volunteer administrators.)

  • Susanna Moon

    HealthShare Member

    Thankyou I will give it a go..

  • My research interests include immunology and the mechanisms of amyloid formation. The latter has implications for people who are dealing with Alzheimer's Disease, Parkinson's Disease … View Profile

    I see that you have joined - I hope you find it a helpful and supportive place :-).

  • Anonymous

    First off, thanks for posting your question here. I know it is hard to write about it but it feels good to express your concerns somewhere. I too feel a lot like you have described, though perhaps not with the former addicitons you mentioned. My advice as a fellow sufferer is this:

    1. Take each day as it comes - ie concentrate on the now and dont worry to much about the future (the only bad thing about this is that people may percieve you as disorganised, but see point no. 3).
    2. Keep busy. Take up hobbys and projects that will occupy your mind and stop you from turning bad thoughts over and over. Make sure they are the kind of activities that are easily accessible to you and that you can either spend 15 mins on, or whole day on. For example, I made a table from scratch. Never did wood work before and it took ages and was ultimately a bit rough but the activity of keeping my mind busy was great (plus, it was satisfying seeing something I made myself).
    3. Dont let people over burden you. Tell them about your situation, if its ok to, and that you may not be in the best frame of mind at times. 

    As well as these I've found this website www.suicideforum.com/ to be the absolute best resrouce for support (dont let the name put you off).

    Anyway, these are the things I find helpful, and I hope they help you!

  • Susanna Moon

    HealthShare Member

    Will try the website. I do try to focus on the here and now but am very critical of myself and although I play netball go to the gym etc I still beat myself up if I am less than perfect. I don't see myself as worthy of anything and stuggle with this daily. I don't want to destroy my chidrens lives by taking the easy way out but sometimes it feels like the only way to make everything just STOP….

  • 1

    Thanks

    Jennifer Grant

    Psychologist

    New practice opened Feb 2018. Seewebsite www.coffspsychneuro.com.au I'm passionate about working with people from all walks of life to help them create a more vital, … View Profile

    You are not alone. Connecting with online forums as suggested by Simon and anonymous is a good idea. The Spectrum service has an excellent reputation. You say you’ve been accepted into their program for next year. Healthshare posts are undated so am guessing this may be many months away. In the meantime have you talked to Spectrum about their other programs? As well as their residential program, they offer groups and out-patient services. Spectrum uses Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Many psychologists also use ACT. You could consult your GP about seeing a psychologist who uses ACT. A list of ACT therapists is available at www.actmindfully.com.au. Please don’t wait until your Spectrum place comes up before engaging in therapy.
    You might find it useful to learn the skill of self-compassion. Consider experimenting with the guided audio self-compassion exercises at http://www.self-compassion.org/ . Kristin Neff is a world leader in promoting the practice of self-compassion. She makes an excellent 19 minute video presentation about the difference between self-esteem (where we get caught up in self-criticism) and self-compassion (where we treat ourselves with kindness – regardless of thoughts of being undeserving). It’s available on youtube at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvtZBUSplr4
    Congratulations on becoming a non-drinker and non-smoker! The skills you’ve used to achieve these goals bode well for your journey towards non-self-harming. Your children and a life worth living will be the ultimate beneficiaries. I wish you well.

  • Susanna Moon

    HealthShare Member

    Thank you Jennifer I have started an outreach program with a specialist psychologist rom Spectrum and I think it will be well worth it, early days at the moment. I recently had a best riend die in a car accident which had led to  more self harm and now I have been unfairly dismissed from work. The work problem is being dealt with by my union and gone to Fair Work Aust, the self harm has become a major problem and I recently passed out in a shop and ended up in hospital requiring a transfusion of blood due to constant blood loss. I am now having hassles with Mental Health who believe I should go to a secure MH facility to break the self  harm cycle. When I lost my job a month ago I self harmed badly and required surgery to ix the deep cuts that had damaged tendons.  I then ended up in a secure facility for 3 days. It was the most degrading and draining experience I have endured. I managed to survive but my self esteem has taken a massive hit and I don't think I have any left. I recently looked up a private rehab type place in Byron Bay and wish I had the money to go, they have great programs that help with mind, body and spirit…. The public system is very instutionalising and extremely depressing. 
    Thankyou for your response I will check out the links and sites you have suggested.

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