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  • Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners

    Why do I withhold affection?

    Related Topic
    Relationships
    'feedback' from a recent end of a very important relationship in my life was that I was not affectionate, and that my actions, although evident that it came from a place of love, had no real affection or understanding of what love actually is.
    Without getting too much into it, I always felt like I was the one craving affection… and I guess I can see how I might have been withholding it out of fear that it would be rejected (because he has shown me only fleeting moments of affection with me! and does not come from an affectionate family at all)…
    Now, I don't know what to do! How have I closed myself up so much to withhold the one thing I craved more than anything? What could I have done to show that affection in my day-to-day?
    I feel lost within myself as that was the one thing I believed of myself!- and to know I withheld it makes me angry with myself… I could have potentially prevented this end by being who I thought I was?!?!?!
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    • Margie Ulbrick
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    Thanks

    Margie Ulbrick

    Counsellor

    I am a Melbourne Relationship Counsellor and Family Lawyer who is skilful in helping people get out of the pain of relationship distress and create … View Profile

    Hi, It sounds like that was quite distressing to get that feedback. However, remember it is only one person's perception. It would of course have been more helpful to your relationship if your partner had have given you this feedback more honestly and openly at the time rather than after ending the relationship. There are many reasons why a person's preferred style may be less demonstrative and in order to get to know yourself well it would be worth seeing a Counsellor to unpack your question in more detail. It depends on your experiences growing up and also on the safety you feel in the relationship as well as possible fears of rejection and reluctance to initiate physical acts of affection. All the best in your search for understanding of yourself.

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