It sounds like you're really struggling to understand why your wife has reacted to your depression by blaming herself. You're also perhaps needing her to respond in a way that helps you manage better and feel supported.
My guess would be that your wife's response is her way of coping. When we are faced with bad news. loss or grief we often experience a lack of control - e.g. “This terrible thing has happened and there is nothing I can do”. Feeling like we have no control can be unbearable, so a common way we try and take control is either to blame ourselves or someone else, which can give a temporary sense of feeling better about the situation (“If I blame myself for your depression, then maybe if I just leave or take some kind of action I can fix it”).
If you can, let your wife know that it's understandable she might react in the way she has, reassure her it's not her fault, it's not her responsibility to fix it, and that you are taking steps to get professional help (the most effective help for depression is a combination of anti-depressant medication and psychological treatment - I encourage you to make use of both these approaches under your Doctor's guidance).
Depression can be hard on relationships. It may be important that you see a counsellor together, who can help you explore the impact of your depression on each of you, and develop new perspectives as well as strategies to help you cope better as a couple.
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