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  • Shared Experiences

    My Depression and Anxiety is affecting my relationship with my fiance

    I have suffered from Depression and Anxiety since I was 14 and am now a 26 female. I lost my mum to cancer at 19. I have been with my current partner for 8 years and we are recently engaged. He left me after my mum passed as he could not handle the way I was. In recent times it has again become an issue. He has been holding his feelings in for the last 6 weeks about how hostile I have been torwards him and felt very unwanted by me. I was a bit confused with how angry he got because I was not aware of my actions. I started taking anti-depressants couple of years ago and I think now it has changed my personality and emotion over time, resulting in me being very mute and hard to feel any emotions. I feel it has controled me over reacting to the small things but maybe too much..my partner does not understand how I feel and sometimes expresses that he thinks its an attention thing. He wants me off the medication and believes my life isnt as bad as I make out. It has nearly ended our relationship.
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  • 1

    Thanks

    Damien Haines

    Clinical Psychologist, Psychologist

    Damien Haines is a registered Clinical Psychologist who brings a warm and empathetic approach to therapy. He emphasises engagement in the world and encourages clients … View Profile

    It sounds like medication alone is not assisting you enough. I would suggest making an appointment with a psychologist under the Medicare Better Access Scheme. While it is up to you, it can be sometimes helpful for the partner to attend a couple of sessions, as I would imagine that some of the difficulties you experience are relationship based.

    My guess is that your medications may not be working very well either, and a trip to a psychiatrist may be of benefit as well.

    I hope you let us know how you go.

  • 1

    Agree

    With a passion to see people move forward and break free from the barriers holding them back, Grant is a highly experienced counsellor with over … View Profile

    Hi,  there are 2 key issues you identify, a) your depression & b) your relationship. Of course they are  linked but they need to be viewed independently as well so I'd suggest you and your fiancé see a couples counsellor. This will enable you to focus on the relationship issues rather than just blaming everything on you and your depression. Of course continue to see your GP for your depression. Good luck

  • Sheree Holland

    Psychologist

    AFFIRMATIVE PSYCHOLOGY -MIAMI, GOLD COAST, BULK BILLING* (conditions apply). Affirmative Psychology - is a "niche" private psychology practice established by Sheree Principal/Psychologist/Principal so that the … View Profile

    Hello, this is a deep seated issue and appears to have quite a bit of history to it.  Depression is having an interactive effect upon your relationship, and vice versa.  There are interpersonal difficulties and issues around communication and articulating your feelings, as well as your partner's ability to express his feelings within this relationship.  As per Damien Haines, Psychologist, suggested it needs to be tackled holistically.  Have a review of your medication, seek professional guidance to gain some tools for improved coping, and strategies to manage thoughts, feelings and behaviour.  Couples counseling may prove very useful, and you may gain insight and a better understanding of each other so as to strengthen your relationship, and enjoy increased intimacy and nurturing.  Good luck for your future, and let us know how you go in your progress.   Sheree Holland, Psychologist

  • 1

    Thanks

    Anonymous

    I've had similar experiences, it sounds like you should look into a different meds option, even see another doctor, I did and have & although it doesn't fix everything it's been a real step in the right direction. Also try taking your partner to a few sessions of counselling with you, I found my partner didn't understand me because he didn't understand the depression/ anxiety as this isn't something he suffers from, it's not necessarily about out life always it's about us & the way our mechanics work. 

  • 1

    Thanks

    I have been working in Eltham, Melbourne as a relationship and family counsellor for over twelve years. I draw on current theory and research about … View Profile

    I agree with Grant. While it is of course worthwhile to pursue options for further treatment and support to deal with your anxiety and depression, I hear things in your account of your relationship that may need some attention. The way our partner or other loved ones respond to us when we are anxious, depressed or experiencing any number of 'hard to manage' feelings is a key aspect of our wellbeing. If our loved ones respond to our distress by either dimissing or disapproving of it, over time this will cause our distress to remain at a heightened level, or even to get worse. Learning ways to respond to each other in a way that allows the other to feel heard, understood and not judged are important skills that you may both benefit from learning more about in couples counselling.

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