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  • Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners

    How do I cope with my husband's marital affair?

    Related Topic
    Relationships
    I found out a month ago that my husband was having an affair with a co-worker. Although I thought it was impossible to continue the marriage, somehow we have managed to stay together. However, I am barely hanging on. How do I handle this?
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    Beverley Aronstan

    Psychologist

    I am a registered psychologist with many years of counselling experience in the field of relationships and fertility issues. In particular my focus is on … View Profile

    It depends on what your bottom line is. In other words what is tolerable for you. In my experience the marriage can survive an extra marital affair if your husband agrees to end it and then is honest about his feelings. If you can work together to find out the reasons for the affair and if there is still love and goodwill between you marital counselling can help or though it might take considerable time to heal the wounds. Couples that have survived affairs are usually stronger than before the affair. An affair is definitely not always the reason to end your marriage. 
    There is not one answer that fits all it is unique to each couple what or how to work it out. An experienced marital counsellor will take you through the steps that you can take to survival of an affair.

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  • Grant Dempsey

    Counsellor

    With a passion to see people move forward and break free from the barriers holding them back, Grant is a highly experienced counsellor with over … View Profile

    Beverley makes some great points and I'd also affirm you meetup with a counsellor so you can take positive steps to rebuild your relationship. All the best.

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  • Vivienne Colegrove

    Counsellor

    I have been working in Eltham, Melbourne as a relationship and family counsellor for over twelve years. I draw on current theory and research about … View Profile

    Relationship recovery from an affair takes a particular type of work. In addition to Beverley's key point that it would require your husband to end the affair and to be honest about his feelings, it may be important to look at what needs to be attended to in your relationship to move on. This might mean looking at the agreements you have together about what is and isn't OK re friendships with other people, including emotional intimacy, thinking about the ways you nurture and strengthen intimacy in your own relationship, and paying attention to healing the wounds that the affair has caused. Relationship counsellors are skilled at helping couples identify and work through the necessary repairs, finding where the 'fault lines' in your relationship are (even the best relationships have these!) and working to strengthen your foundations. The work of Shirley Glass can be a helpful starting point here to guide some initial thinking http://www.shirleyglass.com/afterword.htm

    Good luck with your next steps!

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