There is a difference between difficulties with depression or with managing anger, and problems caused by one person's choice to use violence in order to avoid sharing power and influence in a relationship. If your partner is choosing to respond to your requests for change by using violence, then working on better ways to communicate, or assisting him to ‘manage anger’ will be of no use. In fact, working on these issues in couples counselling can actually make things worse - as you learn to communicate more effectively he may feel even more threatened by you and respond with more aggression. If he is willing to do so, there are some excellent men's behaviour change programs in most states, some run through local community services, others run privately. These programs work by drawing attention to the fact using violence is a choice, by challenging beliefs that justify the use of violence against others, and encouraging healthier choices.
If you are unsure whether your partner is in this category, or whether he is depressed and has difficulty managing anger, ask yourself - does he have trouble managing anger in a range of situations (e.g. at work, in social situation etc) or only with you? If it is only with you, then he is making a different choice where he perceives that others are as powerful or more powerful than he is. If he is struggling to manage angry outbursts in a range of situations, then focussed psychological counselling with someone who specializes in anger management may be the most helpful option.
All the best.
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