I know the feeling Nat. But Mum is in a good place and I'm sure she comes around me and watches over me, guiding me on. I just wish I could talk to her and see her. Mothers are the nurturers and even though my Mum had many faults and used her children at times to get her own needs met out of fear etc, she loved us in her own way and had a forgiving heart. I believe she is still the same now, her heart is amazing. It helps me at times to believe and know that I am not actually alone, but am truly loved by a greater power and that I'm being led … if I take the time to listen. I've neglected my physical body by eating the wrong foods at the wrong times, getting 25 kg overweight, not doing regular exercise etc, but I've just booked in to a number of cheap courses through Leichhardt Womens Community Centre eg. Breathing for Vitality, Feeling Good About Feeling Good just to reach out and do something good for myself and be with other people (I usually isolate) and really need to motivate myself to walk. The fact I've been out of work for 4 years since my Mother's death has been very detrimental to me and I'm open to asking for help from anywhere that I feel can help me because I want to live a life with vitality, being in a place that nurtures me, enjoying nature (nature is so healing) and learning to trust myself and others. I won't stop trying. If not for me, then my daughter.
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