Hi Sadgirl and Liveheart,
thanks for your comments and suggestions. i feel that if i were admitted to hospital my anxiety and paranoia would make me feel worse. i get really anxious being around people i don't know, even though i know that my paranoid thoughts are irrational. so staying in a place where i could not get away from people would probably put my anxiety levels through the roof, my insomnia would get worse, as well as the movement disorder i developed late last year. the other problem is that i am currently living with my family due to the movement disorder, and it would be very difficult to keep a hospital stay from them, i find that the less they know about my life the better. they mean well but in the past they have made things harder to deal with rather than easier.
I have a few distraction techniques i use such as watching t.v, reading a book or working on a puzzle, though i find i cant concentrate on these things for long and the thoughts come back as soon as my concentration lapses. i have a photo of my sister and i, next to my bed as a reminder of what i live for. i guess i feel like I'm out in really rough sea, i can see the rescue helicopter and the people who are trying to save me but they cant quite get to me and fighting to stay afloat for so long has left me exhausted. the waves push me down and its getting harder to come back up for air. but i will keep trying thankyou.
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