There is a concept in grief theory called ‘the feminisation of grief’, referring to a tendency to conceive of healthy grieving as taking the form of talking, sharing, showing emotions, and so on. The point of the concept is to criticise the stereotype of ‘proper, healthy grieving’ and suggest also that men (and in fact people!) experience loss differently and grieve differently. A person who shows no emotion might still be responding to their grief in a very valid way…one suited to them and their way of being.
It is important t avoid judgements such as suggesting to others that they don't care, as this can be hurtful and even undermine a person's healthy but different grieving process. That can be hard when you yourself want and need support from him which is meaningful to you, which communicates with your grieving style.
Of course people do also react in ways that are unhealthy for them. If a person is doing so - eg shutting down and avoiding the pain - this can be a protective/coping mechanism. People often engage in such emotional mechanisms without realising they are doing it, as a way of grieving a bit at a time and not becoming overwhelmed, or as a way of delaying grief while they deal with practicalities or support others. Of course people also moderate their grief by social standards, such as “men don't cry”. The point is not to make them cry, but to support them in responding to the loss in a way that is helpful and meaningful for them. I suggest speaking with a professional grief counsellor (face to face, or via a free telephone line) for more advice on how to understand, respond and communicate with your husband.
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