Anger is an emotion like any other, it is what we do with it that counts. Well managed anger can be positive and helpful. It can be essential in letting us know how strongly we feel about an issue, inviting us to consider whether some kind of change is needed. Anger can also be signaling that we have some emotional issues from our past to deal with.
Poorly managed anger tends to come out in ways that are hurtful. Holding onto anger over the long term is depleting of our energy and tends to affect our health and wellbeing. Some people internalize anger - storing it within themselves, but we can only contain so much pain. It tends to come out later in stress, sickness or in angry explosions. Over time it can lead to rage and violence.
As we can see it is in everyone's best interest to learn to manage thier anger, I would suggest that you make a commitment to yourself to learn effective strategies that can help you manage your anger and practice these every day for at least three montns, thats how long it takes to learn a new habit. Some strateigies that can help are:
. Learn relaxation techniques ( breathing in from the diaphragm, count to 5, and then breath out again, whilst saying “I am calm and relaxed, I am in control” about five to ten times, and repeat this every day.) Believe it or not this simple technique has significant health benefits, as it changes the physiology in your body.
. When you start to feel angy, slow down your pace and try and catch yourself, then take a few deep breaths before speaking - ask yourself “is it really that important? or ” What's the most helpful way of responding to this?.
. When you are feeling overwhelmed with anger you might have to negotiate some time out, find a place to calm down, make sure you make time to deal with the issues and not just bury them under the carpet. You will be much more effective dealing with issues when you have calmed down.
. Release the energy of anger in physical ways that do not hurt or intimidate others like physical exercise, talking with someone who is capable of being supportive, shouting out your anger in an isolated place. Also consider writing about your anger and later destroying what was written.
Having a good understanding that we cannot make another person change is key - that is for them to do, we can only control our own behaviour. If you find these strategies difficult to implement, I would suggest seeing a professional counsellor who can help you work on specific anger issues that you may have.
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