When we lost our first baby in 2009 we had been trying for almost 3 years to fall pregnant. After it happened I shut myself off from everyone - I couldn't talk about it to my friends, to my partner or to my family. I was feeling so much guilt and anger it was eating me up inside, and I'm certain that these are the reasons my next pregnancy was so complicated - I was being punished in some way for having another baby so soon after we lost Oliver.
But I know now that I shouldn't have felt that way. This year I've worked really hard to move through what happened and finally I was coming out the other end. I started writing about what happened and it really helped to be able to get it off my chest, and now I can talk to people more openly. And through the talking I've discovered that many of the people that I know have been through the same thing.
Today I've lost another baby. And I'm terrified of going back to being that empty shell that I was back in 2009, but I know that if I talk and actually allow myself to FEEL the emtions and ride the rollercoaster, I can get through this. And you can too.
I'm really very sorry for your loss. If you're not coping, please speak to your GP, don't do what I did and bottle everything up because you're blaming yourself and you're sure that everyone else is too.
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