First of all let me say well done on reaching out here as a step in the right direction. This is a great start towards finding yourself the help you need, and a great example of you taking control of your situation.
Your talk about feelings of anger ("temper"), fluctating and low mood ("extremely moody, down"), being overwhelmed ("drowning, consuimg thoughts") - these may be related to your previous diagnosis of PND. If it has been a few years since you had any treatment for this diagnosis, it is absolutely worth mentioning to your new GP and discussing a review of your current situation. I recommend making this your next step.
To help you along with the "how to bring this up" I suggest a couple of possible approaches:
- request your past records to be shared with your new GP (this can be done by asking your previous or current GP, you will likely need to give signed permission)- this might help you to start the conversation as you can point out your previous treatments.
- you could mention your past medication to your new GP and use this as a lead in to discuss doing a review of your diagnosis and exploring the need for a new treatment plan and/or new prescription if medication is still required.
With regards to your identified "quite cold, insecurities, sabotaging relationships", I imagine there could be other underlying reasons you have developed these behaviours. These sound like protective mechanisms you might be using to keep yourself at arms length from others in an effort to avoid being hurt, or because you may be experiencing low self-esteem --> you feel or believe yourself as 'unworthy'.
Unfortunately these behaviours sound to be having the opposite affect to protection and are instead causing you pain. These might be 'maladaptive behaviours', or unhelpful behaviours, you developed following past traumas or negative experiences which are now hindering your well-being. This is something I would recommend you might also discuss with your GP if you feel able.
Alternatively, seeking out counselling / therapy to help you better understand what's happening here for you and how to modify these unhelpful patterns of behaviour.
While you may not "see an end" at the present time, you are already taking the right steps - you have insight into your situation and you're already asking for help here. You can take further control by:
- talking about this with your new GP,
- reviewing your diagnosis and medication,
- and seeking counselling or therapy.
These things will help you to identify a forward plan and start to see hope again.
Keep putting one foot in front of the other. You are heading in the right direction. Talk to your new GP. Give them the opportunity to support you.
I wish you well.
*If you ever feel suicidal, please seek medical assistance immediately by calling 000 OR Lifeline on 131114.