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  • Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners

    Husbands Depression has led to mine and I need help. Where should I start?

    My husbands relationship with his father led to him being emotionally unstable in that he suffers from self esteem issues, lack of drive or any ambition at all, has anger management issues, does not deal with any form of criticism, won't ever apologise or say sorry for anything. All these issues have led to me walking around on egg shells and being unable to share my feelings with him on anything remotely unpleasant. He is now turning everything around to being about me being a hypocrite and accusing him and our son of things he believes I actually do all of the time. He went to therapy for about 3 months and stopped going, he never spoke about it only to say that I have to give him space to deal with things and I'm not to nag him or discuss anything unpleasant as he has to deal with things and the way I am only makes him worse. So he stopped going and now he thinks his issues are all because of me and how I make him feel. So he has put all the responsibility on me to get myself help.
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    I have been working in Eltham, Melbourne as a relationship and family counsellor for over twelve years. I draw on current theory and research about … View Profile

    It sounds like there is a lot going on for your husband. There is quite a concern here that justifying some problematic behaviour as part of depression may mean that you are enduring what sounds like quite an unhealthy relationship. You are certainly needing things to change, and at the moment your husband has made it clear he is not owning any of the responsibility for making change happen. You may benefit from seeking out individual counselling to work through what you are prepared to live with if things don't change, what is your bottom line, getting the support you need to hold that line, and being prepared to act on your own behalf if your needs continue not to be met in the relationship. 

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