It sounds like perhaps you are feeling at quite a loss about how to help your girlfriend with her depression. It's a natural response when any of us are feeling that way to find someone to blame - either I'm to blame (and therefore, if I just change something about myself then I can fix the problem), or the other person is to blame (and therefore, if I just get them to change then the problem is fixed!). You don't mention whether your girlfriend has been diagnosed and treated for depression. If she has received diagnosis and treatment, it may be important for her to revisit her doctor, psychiatrist and/or psychologist and discuss whether treatment is working, and if not, what other options may be tried. If she has not been diagnosed or treated for depression, then the next step would be to encourage her to see her GP and have a preliminary assessment done. Then the GP can refer her to the right professional supports she may need. What all this means for you is - next time your partner tells you that your behaviour is why she is feeling depressed, let her know that you are concerned about her low mood, that it is affecting you as well because you care about her and her wellbeing, and that you think it could be important for her to check out whether she may need to get some help. If your girlfriend thinks that she is depressed because of things in your relationship, a place to start may be with relationship counselling. Changing things in the way you relate to each other may well help lift her mood to some extent. If changing these things does not lift your girlfriend's mood, she may then be more willing to look at other explanations for why she is feeling the way that she does.
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