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  • Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners

    How do I know if my wife is depressed?

    my wifes mom has dementia. I think my wife is depressed. I see red flags but I'm not sure if wife is depressed or she wants to get a divorce. It all started 2 years ago, my wife told me that you know I love you I said I love you too. Then, 2 weeks later, I noticed a change. She started isolating herself - she moved out of the bedroom, sleeps on the couch, she keeps all her clothes in the washing machine, she is addicted to exercising. I think she's over exercising. Depression does run in her side of the family. I tried talking to her about it but she does not want to talk about anything I tell her that I feel something is wrong she tells me it's my problem. When she goes out with her friends she could have a good time and laugh but when she's at home she sits and stares at her phone she used to clean house she does not do that anymore she doesn't even plant flowers anymore no sexual contact at all no emotional contact how do I help my wife and save marriage.I am NOT the only one that notices this.
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    Thanks

    Renee Mill

    Clinical Psychologist, Psychologist

    Empowering people is my passion and life work. I have been working as a Clinical Psychologist in private practice for over thirty years. I have … View Profile

    It does seem that your wife is exhibiting signs of depression: 

    • Isolating herself,
    • having no libido,
    • sitting and staring,
    • having no pride in her environment
    • not being creative such as in planting flowers
    • becoming self centred and withdrawn
    • being  snappy 

    I have worked with patients who are depressed but are able to cover it  up when out with friends  (which is confusing to the family).

    I would not presumme that she wants a divorce. That is just your insecure thought but you have no evidence for it. I would try to keep communicating with her in a warm and caring manner.

    Try to go together for couple counselling where you can voice your concerns. 

     

     

  • I have been working in Eltham, Melbourne as a relationship and family counsellor for over twelve years. I draw on current theory and research about … View Profile

    I agree with Renee - couples counselling may be a good place to start, where you can voice your concerns, and this can possibly then provide a starting point from where your wife may consider getting an assessment for whether she is suffering from depression. If your wife is not willing to attend counselling with you, you may benefit from seeing someone yourself - to get some support and strategies for you. It sounds like your wife's behaviour has been very difficult for you, and you may need some support as well. 

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