I am sorry to hear of your frustration and angst. It can be terribly difficult when teenagers refuse to listen to their parents. However, it may help you to know that some of this behaviour is normal. Although we expect tantrums to end after the ‘terrible twos’ the transition of adolescence actually is another stage of development which can feel akin to having a two-year-old!
Most teenagers find it very difficult to accept parents saying “No” and rebeliion is a necessary part of them finding their own identity and becoming more grown up. It is a necessary part of separating from parents and defining oneself as a unique individual with unique and sometimes quite distinct views from one's parents. If a teenager does not go through this process the individuation necessary to form one's own life and to take responsibility for one's self is delayed and development can be impaired.
Knowing this may just help a little in alleviating your frustration.
However, in reality I understand that temper tantrums are distressing for the entire family and seem unecessary. I would suggest that you try hard to listen to her (when she is calm) and to see her point of view. You may not wish to change anything else that you do but listening to her will increase a sense of connection and understanding between you. She needs to feel held and contained as she is going through a transition period of enormous change in her development which is, in all likelihood provoking anxiety.
It may also help for you to reflect on what growing up was like for you (and your partner)and what was it like for you both to be 14. You do not mention where she is placed in the famiily but this is also likely to have some bearing on the situation. It would be helpful for her (and you) to see a counsellor to help explore what is at the heart of her concerns and yours. Just being heard and feeling understood can make a difference. Good luck.
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