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  • Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners

    How do I receive help when I'm scared to ask for it?

    Related Topics
    Depression Mental Health Relationships
    In the last 10 months i have been going through a rocky patch in my life. Iv always been an easy going person who was never bothered by much but this year iv found that i dont have the motivation to do anything and im getting angry and aggitated over stupid things. Iv fallen into debt, had problems with my girlfriend and struggled to communicate with my family. Im scared to ask for help because i feel like telling all these problems shows what a failure i am and it would kill me if they didnt have an answer that would help the way im feeling. Iv read up on ways to help yourself but when i have no motivation its impossible to be physically active or positive. Any advice would be appreciated
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    Vivienne Colegrove

    Counsellor

    I have been working in Eltham, Melbourne as a relationship and family counsellor for over twelve years. I draw on current theory and research about … View Profile

    It sounds to me like you actually have a lot of motivation - in response to trying to deal with the difficulties you are facing, you have read up on ways to help yourself, and you have posted on this site. It seems more likely that your negative ideas about what it means to ask for help (that this would mean you are a failure, and that you absolutely wouldn't cope if the people you initially ask advice from don't have the answers) are creating a powerful barrier preventing you from getting the help you need.

    You may be suffering from depression - lack of motivation and getting angry over small things can be some of the symptoms. If you think this may be the case, the place to start would be to see your GP, who can assess this with you. Help may mean taking medication, and/or seeing a  psychologist or counsellor to learn more about ways of thinking that may be causing you to feel worse, how to change these, and to help you develop new coping skills. Financial counselling may also be a good idea - to get some guidance about how best to pull yourself out of debt.


    Far from being a sign of failure, asking for help is a smart move. Highly successful people tend to be very skilled at finding the right help when they are unable to find solutions to the problems they have on their own. Once they have the right solution, they can get back on track and create the successes they want.

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    Anonymous

    Im also worried about medication. I dont like the idea of a subtance controlling the way i think and feel. I would like to help myself if possible without these influences. I think id feel more accomplished if i could sort my life out myself. I know that people say talking to someone is the best thing to do but i would like to think i can do things for myself.

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    Vivienne Colegrove

    Counsellor

    I have been working in Eltham, Melbourne as a relationship and family counsellor for over twelve years. I draw on current theory and research about … View Profile

    If you choose to continue on without wanting to talk with anyone then of course, that is up to you. However, you have reached out to ‘talk’ to professionals here on Healthshare (and you are ‘tallking’ to me now!), and there are many highly skilled counsellors who can collaborate with you in helping you to think about perspectives you may not have considered. If you're uneasy about taking medication, maybe the first place to start is by talking further with a counsellor. Counsellors will not pressure you into taking medication, though they may explore further with you your reasons for being uneasy with this option.

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    BillyS

    HealthShare Member

    Its much easier for me to talk when i know that my identity remains anonymous. Trust me, i know how stupid it sounds. I just get to emotional talking about myself directly to someone and that feeling makes me want to not say anything. I hate that when someone tries to help i seem to make up excuses but i hate burdening people with my problems. I want to get help but i dont at the same time.

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    Vivienne Colegrove

    Counsellor

    I have been working in Eltham, Melbourne as a relationship and family counsellor for over twelve years. I draw on current theory and research about … View Profile

    That's OK - often people feel ambivalent about seeking help - one part wants and needs it, another part feels ashamed or unsure. Counsellors are very accustomed to helping people who feel this way!

    Perhaps the next step for you could be to contact a telephone or online counselling services such as Mensline Australia http://mensline.org.au/Home.html or Lifeline http://www.lifeline.org.au/  where you can talk to someone anonymously in a little more detail about what's going on for you.

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    BillyS

    HealthShare Member

    I think this is something i can do. Thank you for your help i really do appreciate it

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    steven1

    HealthShare Member

    i have suffered your symptons for about 15 years, and  mild depression for as long as i can remember. like yourself I just kept running away from anything that made me feel depressed, and distanced myself away from friends and family.  i let it take its own course too proud to admit weakness, things can only get worse, YOU NEED HELP and just have to face up to that fact. i joined this fantastic website about 4 weeks ago with a very similar theme to your's. With the admissions from others who are also suffering, and the profesional advice i received back,  i FINALLY went to a doctor today and admitted to the doctor ( and myself ) just what i have been suffering all these years. it felt so good to take that first step. i did not feel judged or belittled in any way, these doctors see people of all types daily with depression type illnesses and really do care. i will be seeing a psycholigist in 2 days time and will start my journey to recovery , it will be a hard road to ride but i want my life back. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE SEE YOUR DOCTOR>

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    Margie Ulbrick

    Counsellor

    I am a Melbourne Relationship Counsellor and Family Lawyer who is skilful in helping people get out of the pain of relationship distress and create … View Profile

    It is a mark of maturity and courage to ask for help when you need it. We all do at different times in our lives and asking for help is not a sign of weakness but of strength. We need different people to help us with different problems and facing our challenges and seeking help can be the thing that turns our life around. All the best.

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  • Joseph Fenech

    Counsellor, Psychotherapist

    Counselling: My hope is that through creating the right counselling environment positive change will occur allowing personal transformation and enrichment. My belief is that all … View Profile

    Mensline is a great place to start, it is a free service and communication is over the phone and totally anonymous, the phone number is 1300 78 99 78. You can also email them if you prefer on talkitover@menslineaus.org.au and the link is www.mensline.org.au.

    That may create a non-intrusive environment for you to openly discuss your issues. They can also refer you to local services that can help you work through your issues.

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  • Dr Simon Easterbrook-Smith

    Health Professional

    My research interests include immunology and the mechanisms of amyloid formation. The latter has implications for people who are dealing with Alzheimer's Disease, Parkinson's Disease … View Profile

    Hi BillyS

    I think that the other contributors have offered you excellent advice. One thing that you wrote struck me:

    "Im also worried about medication. I dont like the idea of a subtance controlling the way i think and feel.“

    That was my reaction too when my psychiatrist told me that I will probably need to be on an anti-depressant for the rest of my life. He asked me this rhetorical question:

    ”If you had Type 1 diabetes, would you think that your daily insulin dose was “controlling”?“
    My answer, of course, was ”no“.

    Anti-depressants don't ”control" people. Rather, in the words of my clinical psychologist, they help to establish a strong foundation from which it is possible to build using non-pharmacological approaches (the kind of things which the counsellors and psychotherapists who have contributed here can offer).

    All the best.

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