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Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners
why do i feel useless and unwanted?
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i feel this way quite alot. my only 2 loves in my whole life stopped loving me, and yet both agree that i was wonderful to them , and done lots for them, both in loving manner , and helpful way. but now at 42 , single , no family, it hurts that everything i wanted , hasn't come my way. it makes me feel useless, and hopeless. little choirs around the house now become harder to do , cause i have lost confidence. i cant do them, they become too hard. meeting old friends become hard. im sure they must be sick of me . i invited them around to watch the footy final, and no one showed. there wifes got sick. yet i did know that one was not well, the others, well. i went to a lot time and money getting things right so the day would be grand, but only got very drunk very quickly, and cried like a little boy to i fell a sleep. i am still cranky with my last girl of whom i was engaged to, yet i still look for the answers. i still miss her, and done so much for her, and got nothing in return, no love -
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Gareth Hobbs
Psychologist
Located in Albany and Mt Barker in Western Australia, Brief Intervention Counselling (BIC) provides confidential, affordable and time limited psychological interventions for depression, anxiety and … View Profile
Without doing a more thorough assessment, it is difficult to get an accurate picture of what may or may not be happening for you and I risk going off track.
I would be curious to know whether or not you can recall feeling the way you do now as a child? Oftentimes people unknowingly use coping strategies that recreate familiar feelings, even if the feelings are painful.
One possible pattern that may or may not be applicable here is that of emotional deprivation. People with emotional deprivation often feel lonely, bitter and depressed. Sometimes they feel that they do not get enough affection and warmth, attention or that they do not get opportunities to express deep emotions.
People with emotional deprivation often do not ask people for what they need emotionally and act stronger than the feel underneath. Sometimes they self-sacrifice and focus excessively on meeting the needs of others at the expense of their own needs. Sometimes they choose significant others who, for one reason or another, cannot or do not want to give emotionally. Sometimes people become overly demanding and angry when their needs are not met. Ironically, these coping styles serve to perpetuate their emotional deprivation.
If this is you, it is important to become aware of your emotional needs, e.g., nurturance, empathy and protection, and to accept these needs as natural. If you can learn to choose appropriate people and then ask for what you need in appropriate ways, people will give to you emotionally.
If this resonates with you and you would like to know more, I recommend a book called Reinventing Your Life by Jeffrey Young & Janet Klosko.
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judeHealthShare Member
Your loneliness can be a great cause of your depression. I have experience the same in my life when I had a breakup with my fiancé after the engagement. I decided never to get into relationship any more but that was distracting me so my friend recommended me about https://www.regionalbikurcholim.org/. They counseled me to move forward in life. That session was really effective and helpful to taught me that you cannot make other to love you but you can love them from bottom of your heart without asking anything in return. It has been long time since we have separated but still all her memories are worth enough to make me cry.
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