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  • Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners

    How can I control anger before it controls me?

    Related Topics
    Anger Management Mental Health
    I find it impossible to control my words and actions when I become angry. This has affected my relationship with my wife. How can I calm down before I reach that breaking point?
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    • Muriel Cooper
    • Grant Dempsey
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    Muriel Cooper

    Psychologist

    I specialise in stress, anxiety and depression as well as general psychology. I have been a counsellor and psychologist for nearly 20 years and firmly … View Profile

    Most people think anger management problems are explosive and loud.  I think what you are saying is that you control your anger.  Are you really controlling it or just suppressing it and pushing it down?
    This is called an ‘avoidant’ anger management style.  This kind of controlling of anger can make you stressed, frustrated, resentful and sick.
    If your anger style really is explosive/aggressive and comes out in a burst of rage, learn when this process first begins and take deep breaths, focusing on counting to three and letting out the breath before you do or say anything.
    Whatever your style is, you could definately benefit from attending anger management therapy with a psychologist or group.
    Learn how to express your anger appropriately (e.g. assertiveness communication).
    You will be much better equipped to express your emotions, wants and needs and be much more contented and less stressed and most importantly - have a better relationship.

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    Grant Dempsey

    Counsellor

    With a passion to see people move forward and break free from the barriers holding them back, Grant is a highly experienced counsellor with over … View Profile

    Mate you need to get on top of your anger before it ruins your relationship. I've seen too many guys who take their angry outbursts for granted and don't realise how badly they are affecting their relationship with their wife and children until it is too late - either their wife leaves or someone gets seriously hurt. I had a client who who in an angry outburst pushed his wife - she fell, broke a rib that punctured her lung and she nearly died! So, make this a priority to get in control of your anger. Look up and call your local community or mental health or counselling service and find a group you can attend. Book in and commit to attending, don't wimp out - it is too important. In my experience many guys lengthen the process and make things worse because they put it off, then when they are in a program they think, “I've settled down now, there is not much point coming out each week and paying the money”. I can pretty much guarantee these guys will repeat their cycle and cause more damage and cost themselves more time, energy, $$$ and heartache. Do yourself and your family a favour - GET SORTED NOW! You won't regret it but you will regret putting it off. Good luck and feel free to contact me if you want to have a chat. Grant

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