Great answers, all of them.
Truth is, you can't change your daughter, that's her job. The good news is, you can become happy in spite of her, by learning how to change your response to her behaviour. How she's behaving is her stuff, not yours. You've got your own issues and sounds like you're dealing with them very well, even to come on here and ask the question with so much honesty takes courage, good for you.
I believe the most difficult thing in the world is to let go of the dream.. one day she'll love me, one day it will be different. It might be…. and then again it might not. It doesn't matter though, you can let go of the dream without letting go of your daughter. She loves you, we always love our mums even if they drive us crazy at times, we still love them deep down *smile*.
There's a saying: Hurt people, hurt people!
She's hurt by the past, but there's nothing you can do about that now, so let it go! If you could have done it better, you would have. That's the truth, so stop feeling you have to justify yourself to her.
You can apologise for the past, but that's it. If she can accept it and move on, good. If not, nothing you can do about it. From what you're saying you're aware of how your life impacted on her but it's over.
It's about a living amends from now on, by being the mother to her that she's always wanted. It may take time for her to come round, but You keep moving forward and build a life for yourself regardless.
Gradually, as you keep the focus on yourself and do your own inner work, you'll become happier and more content as time goes by.
Good luck and just take it one day at a time, all the best
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