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  • Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners

    How do I stop using my husband as my emotional punching bag?

    Related Topic
    Relationships
    I need help with how to communicate my intense emotions with my husband, dealing with it at the time instead of bottling it all up and finally exploding.

    I'm lost lonely and feel disconnected from the love of my life!
    • 2 answers
    • Sam Luxemburg
    • Ash Rehn
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    Sam Luxemburg

    Counsellor, Psychologist, Psychotherapist

    I am a humanist and a great fan of the work of Carl Rogers. I have practised person centred counselling for over 30 years and … View Profile

    It is important to start the communication at a time when you are feeling relatively calm.
    Let him know you want to resolve this issue and to deal with your feelings before you explode, and that you do love him and do not want to push him away.
    Make sure he is willing to talk about this issue, and make sure you are willing to hear his side of what has been happening and how he is feeling about the relationship.
    The most important thing is to start talking and listening to each other.
    If you both decide you need further help, I recommend finding a counsellor or counselling psychologist who specialises in working with couples.
    I hope you are both able find a way through this and to heal your relationship.

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    Ash Rehn

    Counsellor, Psychotherapist, Sex Therapist, Social Worker

    Mental Health Medicare Provider of focussed psychological strategies, Counsellor & Therapist specialising in ‘sex addiction’, pornography issues, gay counselling, online therapy. For more information: www.ForwardTherapy.com View Profile

    One approach many couples find helpful is ‘Non-Violent Communication’ (NVC) aka ‘Commpassionate Communication’. Developed by Marshall Rosenberg in the 1960s, NVC provides a way to express feelings and talk about what you need as well as a means to be senstive to and hear others feelings and what they need.

    Is your relationship a competition or are you on the same side?

    A therapist or counsellor who works with this approach may be able to assist you to communicate your feelings and ask for what you need. When your husband starts to experience what you have to say as you owning your own feelings and making requests about what you need instead of as an attack, he might stop defending himself and be more open to hearing what you have to say.

    I wish you well and encourage you to seek assistance with this change in communication.

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