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  • Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners

    I have back pain and anger issues, not feeling like a man/father.

    Sorry for 3 items but I feel I'm not the only man with this problem. I am 31 on disability due to lower back injury. I have a 6-year-old daughter 50/50 custody and a girlfriend that I live with. I have always been a angry guy since teen years - it got me into a lot of trouble and into boxing running and construction work concrete. 5 years ago had surgeries to try fix a injury but failed and told I'm stuck like this for life. Here is the part I need help with. From age one, my little girl has had to deal with a dad that can't play outside, tries not to do to much, and does his best to put her first. On the other hand, I have a girlfriend that does everything for me including mowing lawn. This has gotten to me that I'm not pulling my own weight as a father or a boyfriend yes I'm in more pain then can imagine but my anger is so bad that I force my self to mow the lawn, play in parks, and try be normal but in return become angry in way more pain and take it out on every one or swearing a lot. I need help.
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  • 1

    Thanks

    I have been working in Eltham, Melbourne as a relationship and family counsellor for over twelve years. I draw on current theory and research about ... View Profile

    The anger you are describing sounds a lot like your way of expressing grief about your loss of ability to function in the roles that are important to you. Anger management techniques may not be as helpful as seeking out support for yourself to process the feelings that may be sitting underneath or alongside your anger. Grief can be hard to identify when it is not connected to something we normally associate with a loss, and when it is not identified we may not give it the time and space it requires, Working through your grief about what your chronic health condition has meant for your life, and also for your future goals, can be helpful to allow you to manage better, and to adjust to the limitations of your situation. Living with chronic pain is difficult too, and some of the anger you describe may be in response to this. You may benefit from speaking to your Doctor about pain management (this may involve working not only with medications but with a physical exercise regime that can help manage your back condition

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  • Brendon Turton

    Healthshare Member

    Dear Vivienne colegrove 

    thank you so much for your reply you are right when say grief anger and because it's ongoing every day all year around it's like how many times can you keep trying to get over or fix or get use to the same pain problem you know.

    im on endone tremadol tried all melds side till got a combo that worked and didn't make me brain dead or dis functional you know.

    and that alone makes problems itself any one can take pain killers till numb and pain less but when live in a country town and single father that has school runs 40 min away and a child that depends on you brain dead is not an option .

    so back to square one take enough pain killers that your on the edge of what you can handle physically and mentally and yet that combo causes me to blow off steam by yelling being angry and cranky at myself every day.

    any suggestions on the exact type of person I could talk to that's not a physio or general doctor as I have tried those two and feel it's more mental and how to deal with each day that I need help with and it's becoming more clear on here as I write yet I can't even talk to any one this much past 5 years.

  • 1

    Thanks

    I have been working in Eltham, Melbourne as a relationship and family counsellor for over twelve years. I draw on current theory and research about ... View Profile

    you may benefit from speaking with a psychologist - try getting a referral through your Dr, so this can be at least partly refundable through Medicare. Some psychologists specialize in working with chronic pain management and use techniques drawn from Mindfulness perspectives - you can visit the Australian Psychological Association and look for someone who works in this way, then check their availability, then askyour Dr to write a referral to that person. Re physical health and developing a good exercise regime, perhaps physiotherapy again with someone who is experienced in chronic pain management. Grief counselling may be best addressed by the psychologist as part of your other work with them, or you may wish to seek out a counsellor who offers grief counselling, and is competent in their understanding of grief in response to living with pain and disability.

  • Brendon Turton

    Healthshare Member

    Can't thank you enough for this information means a lot to me .

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