It sounds like your partner is in a very difficult situation, and is actually doing everything he can to improve it. It also sounds like you are doing all that you can to support and comfort him in his struggles. Sometimes the most difficult thing to accept is that, even when we are doing all that we can, things will not improve quickly. It's also very sad that you are not able to celebrate and look forward to the arrival of your child because of how tough things are at the moment.
Some of the ways you may think about helping your partner and yourself to get through this difficult time may be:-
* Actively cultivate acceptance. Accept that each of you are doing the best that you can, and don't give yourselves a hard time for what you are unable to change at the moment.
* Redirect your focus on to what is good right now, and celebrate those things. Taking time to notice and express gratitude for what is going well can be a powerful mood-changer.
* Challenge negative self-talk. Depression can be contagious! That is, it can be difficult not to become ‘infected’ with the sense of hopelessness that things will ever be better. When you notice you have ‘bought in’ to unhelpful thinking, actively challenge it within yourself. For example - if you notice the thought “ Nothing I do or say makes a difference”, you may try thinking about the times something you've said or done has helped your partner, even for a little while, or in a small way.
* Find the positives in a way that makes sense to you both about what you are going though at the moment. An example of this may be “Things are really tough right now, but we are good at actively seeking help and not giving up no matter what.”
* Get some additional support for yourself. It's hard work supporting a loved one with depression. Supportive counselling for you may help you ‘refill the tank’ so you do not become too depleted in your role caring for your partner, and provide a space just for you to talk about your own feelings and struggles.
These are all tips for getting through a difficult time. It's like accepting that you're both running a marathon rather than a sprint right now, and need strategies for pacing yourselves so you can both get to the end.
All the best
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