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  • Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners

    How can I help my sister deal with her grief and shock?

    Related Topics
    Bereavement Mental Health Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
    My sister was with my mother when she had a massive heart attack. Mum was revived but died that night. My sister can't get that vision of Mum collapsing out of her mind. She and Mum lived together for many many years and my sister isn't married so they were like an old married couple. How can I help her deal with her grief and shock?
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    The Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement

    The Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement is an independent, not-for-profit organisation established in 1996 to provide a range of education, counselling, research and clinical … View Profile

    Understanding grief and processing a traumatic experience can be an important step in beginning to heal. Responses to traumatic events such as flashbacks, which sounds like what your sister has experienced, is completely normal and very common. It is the body and mind’s way of processing a highly distressing event.

    It is a natural human reaction to want to avoid these flashbacks, especially when overwhelming grief is attached to this. However, it can be that the more you try to avoid the flashbacks, the more likely they may come back. Part of helping your sister to deal with both the grief and the flashbacks would be to help her understand that they are there for a good reason. The flashbacks, although hard to live with, with time will settle. The grief may take longer, and may evolve in many ways.

    Other symptoms that can arise due to a traumatic loss may include:

    • Depression, anxiety, panic, fears and phobias
    • Anger and blame
    • Nightmares, dreams and flashbacks
    • Sleeping difficulties
    • Social withdrawal
    • Confusion and issues with concentration and decision making
    • Physical symptoms e.g. headaches, nausea, aches and pains, changes in appetite
    • Feelings of helplessness and disbelief
    • Feeling unsafe
    Once again, these symptoms are within the range of normal experiencing. However, if they become so overwhelming that you are noticing your sister not being able to function, then do not be afraid to seek professional help.

    Be careful along the way also, not to overlook your own wellbeing and grief experience. You will be far better placed to support your sister in the long term if you look after yourself first.

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  • Caroline Hardie

    HealthShare Member

    First of all to explain to her how normal it is for her to be feeling the way that
    she is and not to be alarmed by other people who might say well-intentioned but unhelpful things like, “Oh well it is a happy release,” and “She had a fair life”, that sort of thing but to just to stick with her own feelings and process those as it works best for her.

    I would explain to her about the different stages of grieving. I would also encourage her to look after herself, in the physical sense, to be eating well, trying to sleep, trying to do some things that are pleasurable for her as she is working her way through her grieving.
    I would encourage her to be talking about it if that is what she finds helpful, either to a professional or to her friendship group, family members, if she has got people who she feels comfortable talking with.

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    Georgina Watts

    Counsellor, Psychotherapist

    I am passionate about journeying with people on their road to wholeness. I work with males and females who are needing to work on self … View Profile

    I heartily agree with the comments above.

    Dealing with grief and shock can be very individualized and personal. Add to that the trauma of being with mum when she had her massive heart attack your sister is trying to deal emotionally and psychologically with two extremely distressing experiences.

    While there is a grieving process that will occur the stages do not always happen in a specified order. With the trauma on top these stages may become even more pronounced and haphazard. Supporting your sister through this time will be emotionally stressful for you so you will also need to have support in place.

    i think the best advice i can give to you is for the moment to just love your sister, sit with her, listen to her, cry with her, ask her if there is anything she would like in particular from you; and if you are a family that hugs then may i suggest some hugging. 

    There may also be concerns for your sister about what now? seeing as though she lived with your mum. Those concerns will need to be looked at but hopefully her "home" will still be her "home" for the foreseeable future. You may need to reassure her of that, or offer her alternatives if that is necessary too.

    Talking with a trained counsellor/psychologist may be a good thing for her to help her process it all.

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