Wow, you are so hard on yourself - even beginning your question by asking readers not to judge! It sounds like you judge yourself very harshly for the way you have responded to difficult circumstances.
Judging ourselves harshly when we feel powerless and overwhelmed is a common coping strategy. It can give us the feeling of being in control - it goes something like: “If I judge myself, then I can change myself and feel better”. However, where we are in situations where we have limited or no influence over what other people choose to do (such as being a child in a family where a parent is violent) this way of thinking can keep us stuck and miserable.
It may not seem intuitive, but being kind to yourself - forgiving yourself for not being able to cope better, and acknowledging that you did the best you could - is a strategy that will ultimately give you more control in your life, even if taking that control means walking away from family members who either will not or cannot acknowledge the impact of their behavior and choices.
Working on changing your relationship with yourself - between the part that feels overwhelmed and the part that judges - may be an important thing to do. Counselling can assist you with this - you may need someone there to support and champion the more vulnerable parts of you, to help them realize they are worthwhile and lovable, just as they are.
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