You have been through such a traumatic time, and it sounds like you're experiencing some post-traumatic after-shocks. Your sense of the world as a fair place where you can feel safe, and that others are thinking about you and your needs, has been shattered. You're grieving for this loss, and your grief is then preventing you from functioning in the way you normally would to work your farm and keep life moving forward.
It's really important that you don't add to all of this distress by giving the traumatized, grief-stricken part of you another kick, by telling yourself that you are ‘not a man’. The best things you can do right now are to be gentle with yourself (talk to yourself in a kind way about your inability to get on with things, allow yourself time to feel the sadness, preferrably in the company of a nurturing and comforting friend or family member, for example), and reach out for as much support as you can. Posting on this site is a very good start.
It's likely you will need professional help to assist you to regain your wellbeing. Make sure you visit your GP and tell him/her what's going on. He may offer medical assistance to help you feel less anxious. Counselling may help as well - a place to process your grief and to be supported to rebuild your sense of yourself. You may also benefit from strategies to help you manage your post-trauma symptoms, so that you are better able to cope at this difficult time.
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