It sounds like your partner is really struggling at the moment, and the negative, critical way he's talking to himself is not only affecting him, but you as well.
The most powerful thing you can do for him, for yourself AND for your relationship is to tell him what your concerns are, and how they are affecting you. If he responds to this by saying he's a disappointment etc. simply let him know that this is not the case, that you're worried he's not coping, and that it's normal for people struggling in the way he is to need more help and support - this does NOT mean there's something wrong with him.
Sometimes when men won't get help for depression on their own, the way ahead can be to persuade them to try relationship counselling. Relationship counselling can address underlying relational issues that your husband may feel are contributing to his difficulties, and can provide a bridge for him to then access extra assessment, treatment and/or individual counselling for his depression, if need be.
If your husband is unwilling to seek help, either with you or on his own, don't be afraid to let him know that this is concerning to you, and what you're worried may happen if he continues the way he is going.
Finally, you may need to seek out help for yourself. You are in a very tough situation and it may be important that you have someone to offer extra support to you, and help you think about ways to take good care of yourself, and to hold your ground re requiring your husband to access the help he needs.
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