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  • Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners

    What are some secrets to a happy relationship?

    Related Topic
    Relationships
    Please share…
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  • Maria Di Martino

    Counsellor

    Passionate about the counselling field, and how we can constantly improve ourselves to be the best we can be. I have ten years experience working … View Profile

    A Happy relationship does not just happen, both partners need to make an effort.  Some things that both partners can do to create a happy relationship are:
    . Focus on and emphasize the positives and strengths in your relationship
    . Learn to Appreciate and reward positives rather than punish negatives.
    . Spend more time showing affection towards each other (Hugs and Kisses)
    . Spend a Romantic evening together.
    .  Respecting differences in your relationship
    . Learn to negotiate, when conflict arises, without necessarily struggling for a one-up position.
    . Accommodating one anothers needs which allows for more equal overt power, without hostile competition and continuous rivalry.
    . Respect each others opinions and choices.

    Overall the better both partners learn to communicate effectively and with mutual respect the more intimacy will grow and the happier your relationship will become.
    . 

              

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    Vivienne Colegrove

    Counsellor

    I have been working in Eltham, Melbourne as a relationship and family counsellor for over twelve years. I draw on current theory and research about … View Profile

    Great question - and in fact, a lot of good research has gone into answering it!

    Dr John Gottman is one of the foremost authorities on researching what makes long-term relationships work, and he has distilled his findings into a few key principles, which he calls the ‘sound relationship house’.

    They are:-

    • actively cultivate trust and commitment
    • keep up to date with each other's ‘inner’ and ‘outer’ worlds - that is, what you're dreaming about, interested in, working on…
    • make sure you show your partner in words and actions that you are fond of them and admire them
    • work on turning towards each other rather than away (when your partner makes a bid for closeness and connection)
    • keep communication positive
    • manage conflict rather than avoid it - this includes being able to manage your own strong emotions, accepting your partner's influence and keeping the conversation actively happening around the problems you're having
    • working together towards making your life dreams come true
    • doing things that create a sense of shared meaning together
    If you're both attending to all of these things, then you're doing the work of creating and maintaining a healthy relationship. It's like looking after your house and garden - these require ongoing, continual effort and attention.

    Warm wishes

    Vivienne Colegrove

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  • Margie Ulbrick

    Counsellor

    I am a Melbourne Relationship Counsellor and Family Lawyer who is skilful in helping people get out of the pain of relationship distress and create … View Profile

    I agree with some of the other very useful suggestions given above. i would just like to reinforce that a happy relationship will thrive when partners commit to seeking to understand each other's perspective, and to listening more deeply to one another. It is also important to generate an atmosphere of positivity in the relationship. It is like the ripple effect: the good things just get amplified and multilpy when that is what we appreciate, focus on and think about. Generating an atmosphere of enthusiasm, encouragement and support while also being prepared to face any difficulties in the relationship will go along way in helping you create a thriving and happy partnership. So, be prepared to listen wholeheartedly to each other's perspective and make your relationship a no criticism zone. Good luck.

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