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  • Q&A with Australian Health Practitioners

    What should I do with all the baby things?

    We lost James at 2 weeks due to SIDS- no one knew what happened, he just didnt wake up one morning. I have good days and bad days, however i am finding all the baby things a constant reminder. What should i do with them? I do want to try again to have another baby soon, however am finding it hard to get over James will all his things around us all the time. What should i do?
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  • 1

    Thanks

    SANDS (Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Support) is a self-help support group comprised of parents who have experienced the death of a baby through miscarriage, stillbirth, … View Profile

    This is a matter of personal choice. Some parents will make the point of doing things differently during a future pregnancy with the hope that the outcome will be different – including whether they use they same baby gear they bought for the baby who died.

  • Dealing with the death of a loved one can be one of the most challenging tasks we have to face. It can have an impact … View Profile

    There is no right or wrong thing to do in this situation. As no two of us grieve in exactly the same way, the way we approach and work through our grief is also unique. Our family and friends will often give us advise on what we should do, as they want to do something and believe they are being helpful, unfortunately this can be at times very unhelpful. What I have advised some clients to do when particular items are causing them distress is that they may benefit by packing some of them away and not making a permanent decision about them at this stage, allowing them to decide when they feel they are in better position to so.

  • Cait Wotherspoon

    Counsellor, Psychotherapist, Registered Nurse

    Indigo Counselling & Psychotherapy is a private practice operated by Cait Wotherspoon, an experienced, highly dedicated and qualified psychotherapist. My passion lies in helping clients … View Profile

    It's totally up to you. It's important that you don't make any major decissions, if you do don't make them permanent. You might want to put James' things away until you make a decission on it. Some people like to keep all the baby things around them, others like to keep out one special thing to remember him/her by. I've had clients who have put everything away in boxes until they can look at them at a later date and then decide what to do with them.

    There is a lovely charity, that has memory boxes. I don't know where you are? Or if the hospital offered you one but they have suggestions as to how to remember James and they also have candles and other things in the box. They are Little Angel Memory Boxes, they are on Facebook and Internet. They are very helpful. 

    Ultimately the decission is yours, whatever you decide is the best for you.

  • 5

    Thanks

    Dr Nitsa Stylianou

    Clinical Psychologist, Psychologist

    Specialist in Adult Anxiety and Depression Therapist treating Tic Disorders/Tourettes Syndrome in children 9 years and older View Profile

    It is clear from your description that you are feeling conflicted.  Keeping all the baby things around you intended and bought with love for James is a constant reminder of the sadness that he is not able to wear and enjoy all the things intended for him.  But giving all the baby things away might be equally traumatic.

    When the time is right (and only you will know when that is) you might pack away the baby items as lovingly as they were bought until you know for sure if you want to use the items again or not.

    I wish you the necessary courage.

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