Healthshare - Australia's interactive health network

Comments

• 

  womble
  Healthshare Member

  I too am struggling with depression, i can relate to your feelings of being lost and confused, im 43 years of age and have tried to commit suicide four times now, obviously unsuccessfully. I have been on anti-depressants for quite some time and have spent time in saome acute psychiatric units, but when I come home again, the depression is still there. I have a wonderful partner whom i love very much and whom supports me in everyway, a beautiful daughter who is independant and living her life, still iam depressed. I quit my job, i avoid going out and just feel stuck in a big hole i can't get out of. it just sucks Reply to this post  |  Report
• Reply to this post

  You must be a Healthshare member to reply to this post. Log in to your account or Sign up now (it's free)

  

• 

  miranda_04
  Healthshare Member

  maybe you could try going off of the medication for a while, knowing you are depressed, and thinking about it, is making you more depressed. waking up in the morning and taking the tablet, you are thinking that you are taking them because you are depressed, that you cant do anything right because you have depression, that because of the depression you cant live the life that you want. think of the positive things in life. think, ‘i am a woman who chooses what i do’. think about what you used to do and love, and tell yourself that you still love doing those things. tell yourself that you are a happy person, even if you dont feel it. or maybe just start talking to someone, or writing your feelings down in the form of a letter (it helps me because i feel like im telling someone) and when you're done writing, hopefully, you'll feel like a weight has been lifted. i always feel better after talking to someone, or writing it down.
  you and i can start talking to eachother if you'd like?  cos sometimes all we need is someone who doesnt know us, to talk to. Reply to this post  |  Report
• Reply to this post

  You must be a Healthshare member to reply to this post. Log in to your account or Sign up now (it's free)

  

• • 

    womble
    Healthshare Member

    Hey Miranda, do you know what? that is the very thing I woke up and said to my partner this morning! I want to get off the anti-depressants, I do not feel like I am the same person when I am medicated, a subtle yet intrinsic difference in who i am, it is almost as if i have completely lost who i am, or was. I used to be a hard-working woman, who loved to catch up with friends at the end of a hard working week, I had get up and go, and would carry on regardless. That fighting spirit in me has disappeared, an almost apathetic approach to life has replaced it. I am so sick of it,so over myself for feeling this way, it is unbearable. I will discuss this with my doctor on Wednesday, as I have been told Effexor (my anti-depressants are one of the hardest to get off. It would be great to talk with you again, perhaps you could tell me your experiences and how you are feeling now, did you get off your anti-depressants? are you doing okay without them? Reply to this post  |  Report
  • Reply to this post

    You must be a Healthshare member to reply to this post. Log in to your account or Sign up now (it's free)

    

• 

  miranda_04
  Healthshare Member

  Hi Womble,
  to be totally honest, i haven't gone to a doctor and gotten anti-depressants. sometime i think that i should to see if i get any better, but i'm dong pretty good without them. i dont want the false happiness that they give you. i dont want to be made to feel happy, i actually want to be happy. everyone says that you can't manage without the anti-depressants, but you can. you still get depressed, have your ups and downs, but you find that the downs become less and less because you know how to deal with them and find things to distract yourself. talking helps me, writng helps me. having a boyfriend that understands helps me a lot too. it helps so much when people understand and purposly do things to cheer you up.
  just like anyone, i have good and bad days. today was a bit of a mixture. i slept until quarter to 1, which i have never done before. it was bad because i felt useless, i felt like i couldnt do anythign right, and that was just because the oven cut out and i couldnt re-light it when i was half way through baking cookies. 
  for some reason, i am better at hlping people than helping myself. if you would like to exchange email addresses, if you'd like to talk in private, we could.    Reply to this post  |  Report
• Reply to this post

  You must be a Healthshare member to reply to this post. Log in to your account or Sign up now (it's free)

  

• 

  nat85
  Healthshare Member

  Hi Ladies,
  I checked myself into the Perth clinic just over a week ago its a psychiatric hospital. I was at my wits end and just didn't know what to do anymore. I am so glad I went it helped more than I thought it would. They taught me about positive thinking and how to retrain my mind to not be so negative. I also had a med change since the ones I was on just weren't working. I can't not be on meds and I too much of a mess and just travel off to a different world. I feel like my hope has been renewed and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel again i'm not surround my this black cloud anymore. I got out two days ago I just hope I can continue to be positive and keep following all the steps they taught me to help myself. I know it's going to be hard but I feel like it will be easier now that I have a better understanding of depression and how it confuses our minds into thinking we can't do anything.
  Miranda I would like to keep in contact with you on here, there are not depression support groups where I live and I find it helps when you talk to people who are going through what you are going through.
  Hi Womble I was on 300mg of Effexor and I just come off them, I was lucky I did't have any side effects and just stopped taking them, to me thats a definite sign that they were not working for me at all. You have to drop your dose gradually on effexor but you can start taking a new antidepressant at the same time. If you want to stop taking antidepressant all together then becareful because I have heard from a lot of people Effexor is one of the worst to try and get off and the side effects can be terrible maybe speak to your doctor first before you make any decision to be on the safe side. Reply to this post  |  Report
• Reply to this post

  You must be a Healthshare member to reply to this post. Log in to your account or Sign up now (it's free)

  

• • 

    womble
    Healthshare Member

    Hey Nat, I'm glad that the week in Perth has helped you, and that you feel your hope has been renewed, I spent a week in the Bunbury Acute Psychiatric Unit, and i found that a lot of my healing came through talking with other patients about their experiences, I guess sometimes you feel better, trying to help others. I was also on 300mg of Effexor, plus 100mg of slow release Seroquel. I've stopped taking them all, because for me none of it was making me feel better, I felt “dulled down” if you know what I mean, but we are all different and different things will work for some and not others. My Doctor will find out tomorrow that I have stopped taking my medication, and no doubt she will be concerned, but i cannot do anything other than what I feel is right for me, and obviously the medication was not working for me. Do things for yourself, that make you feel good about yourself, don' t be around people who are negative and not supportive. Take little steps every day, and keep up the positve thoughts and actions, I am here if you wish to talk or just vent. There is light beyond those dark clouds, and as with everything, nothing stays the same for long. Happy Valentines Day to you and your loved one. Hope to hear from you again Nat. Reply to this post  |  Report
  • Reply to this post

    You must be a Healthshare member to reply to this post. Log in to your account or Sign up now (it's free)

    

• • 

    womble
    Healthshare Member

    Hey Miranda, I think something must have gone wrong when i replied to you about five minutes ago, because I wrote you a message, but it hasn't posted! Too cut a long story short, I did stop taking all of my anti-depressants on the weekend, and so far last night was the hardest I've experienced. I felt so sad and unsure, and really felt, that I did not want to live. My partner was sleeping and I really did not want to disturb him, so I prayed and prayed for help, I cried and cried myself to sleep. I am not a religous person, I don't go to church or anything like that, but I am a spiritual person, so I prayed myself to sleep. I woke up about 10 this morning, my poor dog Morphy, was waiting patiently for me to get up and give him breakfast!
    But I woke up praying and here I am today, I survived the night, and I am thankful for it. I have a wonderfully supportive man, a beautiful daughter and caring friends.
    I do feel better for not being on the medications, but is tough. I will not give in, or give up, if i have to pray my ass off in times of need then so be it! I liked the fact that you were baking cookies! It made me smile and think of baking cookies with my daughter when she was little, so thanks for making me smile and think happy thoughts. Would love to exchange emails and stay in touch. Happy Valentines Day to you and your loved one. Hope to hear from you soon. Reply to this post  |  Report
  • Reply to this post

    You must be a Healthshare member to reply to this post. Log in to your account or Sign up now (it's free)

    

• 

  miranda_04
  Healthshare Member

  wow Nat, that must have been tough for you. one for admitting yourself, and two not having your antidepressants helping you. i'm sorry to hear that. but i'm glad that you are on the road to recovery. everyone deserves happiness in their lives. 
  Womble, i'm glad that my cooking made you smile because it made you think of happy memories. i did manage to get the oven re-lit and the cookies were yummy, my boyfriend loved them. he said that i cook when i'm upset, and at first i didnt think i did, then i realised that i do. cooking is another thing i have a flair for, and i used to love doing it and then i just stopped. i've recently been asked when was the last time i did something that i truly loved. like draw or write. and my answer was since some time last year. i've gotten depressed and havent wanted to do those things because when they didnt go my way, i believed that i was a failure and gave up.
  my email address is [email protected]
  i've got a lot to talk about, if you'd like to listen. i'd love to hear from you and about your experiences and feelings and stuff.
  and thanks, my valentines day is the first with my boyfriend, and it's been ruined and i've cried, so i hope that yours is better than mine.   Reply to this post  |  Report
• Reply to this post

  You must be a Healthshare member to reply to this post. Log in to your account or Sign up now (it's free)

  

• 

  womble
  Healthshare Member

  Hey Miranda, Valentine's Day is not over yet so it can't be ruined! My email address is
  [email protected], a good cry is always good for purging! If this is your first Valentine's Day with your boyfriend and you love him, don't make it your last! Do whatever you need to do, to turn it around if you can, but it takes two to tango. The one thing I do believe in is love, it does make the world go round, but it is not always easy. When you are depressed things always seem much worse, than they are in reality, maybe you can both still share something lovely together, Valentine's Day or not. Send me an email if you just want to talk in private, don't give up! Reply to this post  |  Report
• Reply to this post

  You must be a Healthshare member to reply to this post. Log in to your account or Sign up now (it's free)

  

• 

  nat85
  Healthshare Member

  Hi Ladies,
  
  my email address is [email protected] please email me and keep in contact!
  I'm doing ok, I knew that once I got home from the clinic I would get down again. I live in Kalgoorlie and I absolutely hate it here! I'm originally from Perth all my family and friends are there and I miss them so much, I miss having a life. I have no life in Kalgoorlie, I just exist. It was great in Perth clinic I enjoyed the group session talking to everyone and learning from there experiences, I also like it that my family where able to visit me. Now I'm back in this red dirt town with no one but my husband who thinks I should be better now and is sick of my “crap” well I'm sick of his “crap”. I just don't know what is the right decision anymore he gets my head so confused………………. Reply to this post  |  Report
• Reply to this post

  You must be a Healthshare member to reply to this post. Log in to your account or Sign up now (it's free)

  

• • 

    womble
    Healthshare Member

    Hey Nat,
    Glad to hear your doing ok. It's always a little tough when you first come from the clinic, you've left a really safe supportive environment thats set up to aid people
    who are going through all kinds of depression, anxiety and associated ilness.
    How are you going with your medications? Have they changed or are they the same?
    It must be tough for you in Kalgoorlie being away from your friends and family, are you working Nat, or are you not quite ready for that yet? Being unemployed can also make you feel down, but I think anyone who is unemployed feels that way, I know I do. Do you have any girlfiends in Kal? I'm sure there would be a gym or healthclub there, maybe you could consider doing something like that that would help you physically and mentally, plus it kind of forces you to interact, maybe swimming or something just to start getting yourself out and about. You know I'm sure there are other women in your situation there, followed your man out there for work, and maybe they miss their friends and family from wherever they came from.
    Have a look around communityboard notices, check out the library see what groups/clubs that are available in town, you may find something of interest.
    Don't make any rash decisions about your marriage whilst you are still in the grips of deep depression. Some men (and women) just have no concept of depression because they have never experienced it, and find it very difficult to relate to it, sometimes it's just a“man” thing. Maybe you need a  break, are you able to go spend some time in Perth with family or friends? Sometimes, you just need to remove yourself from the situation, in order to see it with more clarity. I've got your email address now..so will flick you an email if you want to chat privately. Your only 26 Nat you have your entire life before you and it will get better, if you need to change what's not making you happy, then do it, but take the time, to think about it before you act. I'm doing my bossy older woman thing now  lol sorry, take care Nat, Kate Reply to this post  |  Report
  • Reply to this post

    You must be a Healthshare member to reply to this post. Log in to your account or Sign up now (it's free)

    

• 

  nat85
  Healthshare Member

  Hi Ladies,
  Sorry it's been a while since I posted, I do work full time and its so hard to stay concentrated and keep myself going through the day by the time I get home I have no energy and don't wont to do anything. I don't have many friends in kal, and I tend to push my friends away the more depressed I get. My psych changed my meds when I was in the clinic I was on Effexor XR then was changed to Cymbalta, I don't really feel much different it's been a month now and I feel like I am going into that black hole again. I have tried so many different meds over the last 7 months and nothing seems to be working. I want to get on with my life and not think about dieing all the time. I feel so guilty when I feel like dieing my mum wanted to live so much and fought the cancer so hard but she didn't make it and here I am wanting to die. Reply to this post  |  Report
• Reply to this post

  You must be a Healthshare member to reply to this post. Log in to your account or Sign up now (it's free)

  

• 

  womble
  Healthshare Member

  Hey Nat,
  I really can understand, your feelings of guilt in terms of you feeling your wanting to die, especially
  if your mother died from cancer and she fought so hard to live, but you are two very different people
  with very different circumstances. Please hang in there Nat…In the past 2years I have overdosed
  4 times, been hospitalised 2-3 times because of my attempts at suicide. I actually stopped
  all my medication (anti-depressants) about one month ago…I should of done it through my doctor, but I stopped them first then told her. It was very very tough, but I have such clarity of mind now, and the constant suicide circle that my mind seemed to be in, has now broken. I still have the thoughts, though not as frequently, and not as deeply as they had been, sometimes I would sit there trying to think of all the different ways I could kill myself, and was devestated when I couldn't do it. Remember the people you love and those that love you Nat, what will it do to them
  to find you dead? How will that affect them…they too will feel guilt, and that somehow thay are
  responsible for not being able to help you. Please hang in there Nat…don't give in to it.
  If you feel like going there…stop…breathe, think of of those who love you…it helps me now to do that…so simple…but enough…hope to hear from you again soon Nat, Kate xo Reply to this post  |  Report
• Reply to this post

  You must be a Healthshare member to reply to this post. Log in to your account or Sign up now (it's free)

  

• 

  miranda_04
  Healthshare Member

  hi nat, it is not good to hear that you are still in that state of mind, and that the medications are not doing a very helpful job for you. i wish that wasnt the case.
  if you ever need or want to talk, my email is [email protected]
  email me whenever you are having those thoughts of dieing, and i'll talk you through how to get those thoughts out of your head. i have to do it to myself sometimes, pretend like im talking to someone else. Reply to this post  |  Report
• Reply to this post

  You must be a Healthshare member to reply to this post. Log in to your account or Sign up now (it's free)