Wow - you've been very courageous to leave a relationship that wasn't meeting your needs, even though you've had to give up a lot. It seems to me that it's very hard for you at the moment to stay connected to your strengths. Even when we initiate changes we know that in the longer term will be good, it's normal to experience grief about what we've lost. Maybe it's the grief-stricken part of you that says “I am a failure” - the part that is longing for the security and sense of connectedness that being in a stable partnership brings. There's another part of you though, saying “I don't want to put my daughter in daycare”, “I don't want to stay in a relationship where my partner won't work on things with me” - a tough part of you that knows what's important to her and is prepared to make sacrifices in order to have it. You may benefit from seeking counselling to provide extra support to both parts of you - to affirm the strong, brave part, and to allow the vulnerable, grieving part of you to process difficult feelings. Beating up on the vulnerable part of you, or trying to shut her out, whether you do it through binge-drinking or simply giving yourself a hard time, may feel like a way to get through, but it sounds like you're already aware that it's causing other problems. Be gentle with yourself, and all the best.
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