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Shared Experiences
My brother just died of Bowel and Liver Cancer
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My brother just died of this terrible disease at 56. He was diagnosed with bowel cancer on the 3rd December 2011 and advised 70% of his liver was diseased at that stage. He passed away on 19th February 2012 (just 11 weeks). He was brave to the end. Robina Palliative Care unit on the Gold Coast were wonderful and he suffered no pain. Those watching him suffered though. His Mother of 82 who is a nuturer and carer suffered a stroke from the strain the day before he passed away, thankfully she is ok. My Dad at 82 has been diagnosed with bowel cancern in November 2011 and is undergoing chemo treatment but the cancer has spread to his liver, lungs and kidneys. What a dreadful disease and the stress was just too much for my Mum. I tried to support them as much as I could but living in Sydney with a job and they on the Gold Coast - well, I did as much as I could do to help. Please have a colonoscopy and have your blood checked for cancer cells each year during a regular blood test. -
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Bowel Cancer Australia is the leading community-funded charity dedicated to prevention, early diagnosis, research, quality treatment and care for everyone affected by bowel cancer. We … View Profile
Thank you for your post and for sharing how bowel cancer has touched your life, and the lives of your family.
Sorry to hear about your brother's passing. What a difficult time this must be for your family.
We hope you receive lots of messages of support from other community members.
In addition to sharing your experiences with the bowel cancer community on Healthshare, and receiving feedback from other community members, there are a few Bowel Cancer Australia support services available that may be of interest (if you haven't used them already) including: Nurse and Nutritionist Advisory Services, Patient Information Packs and 'Love My Family' Community - helping answer any questions you may have about supporting your family through their treatment, recommended screening pathway for yourself, and/or talking with others in a similar situation (that know what you're going through).
Best wishes to your Dad for his treatment, and to your Mum for her recovery.
Kind Regards,
The team at Bowel Cancer Australia
www.bowelcanceraustralia.org
Please Note: The information provided by Bowel Cancer Australia’s Nurse and Nutritionist Advisory Services is intended for Australian residents as a reference guide only. It is not a substitute for independent professional advice and is not intended to be used to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease or disorder.
If you believe your symptoms are consistent with those of bowel cancer or a digestive illness, please consult your doctor.
Bowel Cancer Australia, its directors, officers or medical professionals shall not be liable to any person, company or any other body for any loss, direct or indirect or consequential on whatsoever account for any omission or negligent misstatement.
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ChristineHealthShare Member
A postscript to my brothers passing. My Father underwent 3 months of chemo treatment at 3 weekly intervals. The cancer had spread to his liver, lungs and kidney and though the spots diminished the cancer in the lungs is now spreading. He asked if he should go back on chemo but they told him it wouldnt help now. He is 82. He has become very agitated and is now accusing Mum and I of conspiring against him. I have always loved my Dad, I was his favourite but he has changed. It has only been 6 months since my brothers passing. I think in Dec 2011 Dad had 12 months to live. I dont know if this change in him is disease based or based on resentments built up through the years that have never been released or dealt with. He got the big suitcase down recently & told Mum he was leaving. They have been married 60 years in March this year. Mum told him he couldnt take that suitcase as he had given it to her as a birthday present! While that sounds funny, it seems that we are dealing with a 3 year old tantrum that will not end. I dont know what to do. The doctor has been advised and Mum is going to a psychologist which I think is a good thing. She said to me yesterday she does not know how much longer she can go on. I dont know if that means go on looking after Dad or go on living. Emotionally I am drained. Our once loving family is not only diminishing with the cancer taking its toll but the love we had for each other is being sadly challeged by Dads behaviour. Can someone help me to understand what is going on? He seems to be quite paranoid suddenly about his money and we just cannot reason with him. He is constantly agitated and the smallest thing will send him off into a rampage. What can I do to help my Mum? I have written to the doctor. I feel so grieved for her and so alone….I never knew depths of despair and sadness that I am feeling now. I dont want sympathy, I want to understand and help as best I can. Much appreciated….Chris
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Bowel Cancer Australia is the leading community-funded charity dedicated to prevention, early diagnosis, research, quality treatment and care for everyone affected by bowel cancer. We … View Profile
Hi Chris,
I'm so sorry to hear about the situation your family is facing at the moment. It is certainly a difficult and challenging time when a loved one is sick. The confusion your father is suffering could really be due to a number of reasons and I would be very happy to talk to you more about this. It sounds like you and your mother are doing everything you can to help and support him, however, it is important that you look after your own emotional wellbeing also.
Please do give me a call or send me your contact details so we can talk more about your dad and solutions that may help you.
Kind Regards,
Fiona
Bowel Cancer Australia Nurse Adviser
www.bowelcanceraustralia.org
Please Note: The information provided by Bowel Cancer Australia’s Nurse and Nutritionist Advisory Services is intended for Australian residents as a reference guide only. It is not a substitute for independent professional advice and is not intended to be used to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease or disorder.
If you believe your symptoms are consistent with those of bowel cancer or a digestive illness, please consult your doctor.
Bowel Cancer Australia, its directors, officers or medical professionals shall not be liable to any person, company or any other body for any loss, direct or indirect or consequential on whatsoever account for any omission or negligent misstatement.Report this post
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HazelHealthShare Member
hello Chris, believe me when i say i feel for you. My father had an illiostomy for his bowel conditions the year befor he died and he too became very upsetting to be near, he also had other complications. he too became dificult to cope with. I had also lost my mother to cancer prior to this and i feel he did begrudge others and not consider my feelings as i was the one who helped him. he treated outsiders better then family. I dont know why people behave so badly under stress , just being human i guess.
All I can say it took along time after his death to look at his plight more objectively. I saw he was coping the only he could.
In 2010 i was diagnosed with bowel cancer, it was an agressive tumour and this did NOT show up in any blood tests. I had to have chemo and radiotherapy at the same time, for 6 weeks, then a month later massive surgery to remove my rectum and gall bladder. Followed by 5 more months of chemo and more surgery.I also had a temp illiostomy to cope with.
I too over the last 2 years have gone to the doctor every time i feel there is something wrong as i went every 4 weeks post treatment out of neccessity.BUT i was determined NOT to behave like my father ,i have seen a phsycologist to help me get through all of this. Remember when a person has no more control over their life we need to be able to control something, no matter how small just to stay sane. your father is only doing HIS best , he may not have the TOOLS in his toolbox to deal with the situation any better then he has. But you do. you may benefit ( and your mother) talking to a mental health proffesional about your situation.To help you cope. It helped me.
I am on the road to recovery due to my tenacity and strong will and I am 58 now and hope keep going some more. I do wish you all the best H.Report this post
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Christine
HealthShare Member
Hello Misty,
So sad to hear of your plight. I have only realised with my Dad and brother both having cancer how this affects the whole family and how much we take for granted in this life. I am reaching out for help and guidance as I have never experienced anything like this before and though I have escalated to my Dads Doctor, they are very slow to react and instead of sending him to a Geriatric Specialist as I requested, they referred him to another General Practioner so very frustrating. I believe the quicker a diagnosis is sought, the better for the person concerned as well as family and friends associated with the patient. I dont know how else to explain my feelings than to put pen to paper. Fiona the nurse who responded was just lovely and so supportive with her suggestions when I got off the phone I just cried and cried with relief. Thank you for your response to Misty and I hope all goes well for you. You and I are the same age and I had all the tests done after my brothers passing to ensure all was ok and it is. I just want relief for my Mum now so her days are not so worriesome. We can only do what we can do in this world - I wish I could have done more. Take care of yourself. ChrisReport this post
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Hazel
HealthShare Member
hello Chris, I am glad you could put pen to paper, and that you have had a good cry. Dont under estimate the need to release your feelings.
My only word of wisdom I wish someone had told me was when my father died in 2005 when i was 51 that someone had thought (including myself !!) to go and have a colonoscopy !! that would have saved me A LOT. As i had no symptoms untill Feb 2010. The surgeon said I could have had my cancer for up to 10 years.
so I tell everyone to get one when they turn 50, then 55 or go NOW if the think they have a problem. It makes me feel better if I can save just one person. You can do the same if you want. It turns a negative experience into a positive one. I wish you and your family peace ..MistyReport this post
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