Although I cannot say why you are self-harming again I can offer some insight into why people self-harm. Sometimes people can use it as a way of dealing with painful experiences, difficult feelings or other types of pressure in life; usually there is something that is needing to be communicated (psychological or physical trauma, inner turmoil or intolerable emotional pain); trying to find a solution to a problem and to make themselves feel better; or it has become a coping mechanism.
Sometimes if we have had to deal with things going wrong in our lives for so long it can become stressful if things start to go well as we can start to get anxious about when it is going to end. If we don't believe deep down we deserve to be happy then when we are happy we need to "punish" ourselves for the happiness and possibly revert to self harm.
Regardless of why it has started up again it is causing you frustration and possibly some negative self thoughts. The liking and hating of the same thing comes from a number of different parts of you: the one that needs to self harm to maybe feel something; the part that doesn't want to self-harm because you thought you were over doing that and so on. Journalling both sides out on paper may help you get a better understanding. Alternatively making an appointment to see a psychologist or counsellor may be useful at this time.
please note that finding a counsellor/psychologist that suits you can be difficult. if you are seeing someone and you don't seem to "click" then it is okay to ask them to refer you to someone else or for you to look for another counsellor/psychologist to help.
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